If We Have Each Other

Chapter 1

Monday, September 13, 2021

Monday morning. Logan lay awake in bed, dreading the start of the week. He didn't want to get up. Laying there, he kept himself from falling back asleep, but didn't have the energy to move. His half-consciousness was interrupted when he heard his mom calling his name.

"Yeah, I'm up mom!" Logan replied. He groaned, and stumbled his way into the bathroom to take a shower.

20 minutes later, he packed up his things, and made his way downstairs into the living room. Logan put his things down, and popped in a piece of bread into the toaster. Just as he was settling into the couch, he heard a beep from the other side of the kitchen. He got his toast, put it on a plate, and spread peanut butter and jelly on it. Sitting back down on the couch, he cleared all of the notifications that had accumulated on his phone overnight.

"I'm leaving, Logan," his mom said.

"Alright, bye," Logan replied. The door shut behind him, and he heard the sound of the rising overhead garage door.

Logan finished his toast, and put his plate in the dishwasher. He spent another 10 minutes reading a news article about if students at Ivy League colleges have an advantage or not. Logan looked at the clock, and sighed. It was time to go to the bus stop.

"It's 50 degrees, I don't need to wear a jacket," he thought. Logan walked to the bus stop, seeing the same people he recognized. A few minutes later, the bus came rolling up to his stop. He got on, and sat on the third seat from the front like usual. The group chat with his friends came to life, and he looked to see what kind of things they were talking about. The topic of the morning was the existence of bananas. Logan rolled his eyes, and leaned against the cold window as he watched the arguments ensue.

Before Logan knew it, the bus pulled into the drop off loop. He walked inside, and noticed his friends sitting at a table off to the side. Sitting down and greeting his friends, he made the discovery that they were on a different topic than the group chat. They were talking about their crushes.

"Great," Logan thought. "Just what I need on a Monday morning."

"What? You've liked Sophia? She isn't even that hot," Paul retorted. Logan assumed it was a dare to confess. They usually wouldn't talk about this.

"Shut up! It was in 4th grade, I didn't have any taste back then," Ashton shot back.

"I may or may not have liked Brenna in 6th grade," Greyson confessed.

"At least she looked better than Sophia," Paul said.

Ashton, annoyed and wanting someone to stand for him, asked, "Logan, who looks better, Brenna or Sophia?" Logan was caught off guard, and he stumbled to find an answer.

"Ummm, well they are both decent looking," he said, not knowing why he got so uncomfortable.

"Come on, just pick one," Ashton said. Logan didn't want to answer that, but he honestly didn't know, or even care that much. He decided just to get on Ashton's side.

"Well, if I had to choose, I guess it would be Sophia," Logan replied.

Ashton smirked and said, "Good choice." Logan shivered.

"Something about him seems off," Logan thought to himself. The conversation shifted to the next iPhone, and Logan went back into his trance, thinking to himself about why he was so uncomfortable. He had never had a real crush on a person, and he wondered why. All his friends seemed to be jumping from girl to girl, while he never had a crush on anyone. Logan was interrupted from his trance by the bell.

"Dammit," he thought. His first class was AP Euro. He wouldn't mind it if he didn't get so much work, and the person who sat next to him was super annoying. Logan got up from his table, happy with an excuse to leave, and walked slowly to the classroom. While walking through the hall, he couldn't help but continue thinking about what he was feeling at the table.

"Why haven't I had a crush," Logan thought.

"Why me? I don't even know what a crush feels like, but Paul gets one every other day. Is there something wrong with me?" He couldn't shake these thoughts as he stepped into the classroom.

Logan turned his wrist to check his watch. 8:43. He spent the next 7 minutes Googling why he didn't have a crush yet. All Google said was that he had not found the right person yet. He sighed to himself as the annoying girl sat down in the desk next to him. He brainstormed ideas on how to get a crush, just to feel some normality and be like his friends. He looked around the classroom, looking for attractive females, but he didn't find any of them attractive at all.

"There's definitely something wrong with me," Logan thought. The second bell rang, signaling the start of class. Logan tried to pay attention, but couldn't get his mind off of the lack of having a crush. He couldn't tell Paul or Ashton, they would make fun of him, or try to "cure" him, or both. However, Greyson was more chill and lenient.

"Maybe I could ask Greyson. He might know what's going on," he thought.

Basics of Business, English, and Algebra 2 flew by. "Funny how time works," Logan thought. "One period lasts forever, but 3 periods go by before I can blink." Logan got in the lunch line, got and paid for his food, and found Greyson sitting at a table near the door. Paul and Ashton had a different lunch time, which Logan was grateful for at the moment.

"Hey Greyson," Logan said as he sat down.

"Hi Logan, what's up?" Greyson replied.

"Nothing much, same as always, but I'd actually like to ask you about something," Logan said, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

"Sure, what is it?" Greyson said with a sense of curiosity and a little hint of concern. He heard Logan's voice shake.

"It's— it's about....crushes," Logan muttered. Greyson leaned in closer.

"Mhm?" Greyson said in a soft voice. Logan quickly appreciated that he didn't jump into asking who his crush was, and he actually cared about him. More than Paul and Ashton do at least.

"I— I just want...to know what it...feels like. I haven't actually had one, like ever." Greyson listened attentively, unlike what Paul and Ashton would've done.

"Just take your time," Greyson said. "You don't have to have a crush, it's perfectly normal that you don't. Paul and Ashton are just super judgmental people. I honestly don't know how we even became friends, or how you became friends with them, but I guess it's just how it goes. Anyway, don't worry about it. You'll know for sure when you have one. It's like having butterflies in your stomach even at the thought of them, and being borderline sick when they even walk by you. God forbid you make small talk. It's not as fun as everyone makes it sound. It will come to you one day, don't be concerned about it," Greyson said. He realized that he went on a tangent.

"Sorry about overwhelming you, I kind of went off," Greyson admitted.

"No, it's fine, that really helped," Logan said. He was grateful he had a friend like Greyson. The rest of lunch, Logan only picked at his food. He was busy thinking about what Paul and Ashton had said that morning.

"Logan, are you sure you're okay? You've barely touched your food," Greyson said with concern.

"Oh— uh, yeah, I was just lost in thought," Logan replied, still half lost in thought.

"Please don't overthink this Logan, I know you overthink things a lot. Don't let crushes, or Paul and Ashton get to you," Greyson said.

"Thanks, I'll try not to," Logan replied.

"He's right, I overthink things a lot," Logan thought. He managed to eat a little of his food before the bell rang, ending lunch.

"See ya later, Logan," Greyson said as he walked off.

"Yeah, see ya," Logan replied.