Dark sunshine

Chapter 1: Hidden

I walked past some big billboards when I left the bar to head to a find my next drink. I had one too many drinks again tonight like every night. I dreaded going home sober after work so I went to the same bar each night. That day it closed earlier due to some renovation work so I grabbed my bag and headed to Hongdae. A club caught my attention and I went in. The bouncer let me through although my attire was not made for being in this kind of club. My jeans should have been a tight mini dress. As it was a week day I guess they let it slide. I looked around the half filled club and navigated myself to the bar which was empty. I came here for some more drinks while the other visitors came to dance. They looked like Uni students who celebrated a birthday. They had their time of their lives which I was jealous of. I turned away from the dance crowd and looked over to the barkeeper. I ordered 5 shots at a time and downed one shot after the other. The barkeeper looked at me surprised as I asked for my 16th shot.

„ You can hold your liquor well", he said smiling. He poured me another shot and added seriously: „ I have a sister in your age and you remind me of her. This is your last shot for tonight otherwise you will do something that you will regret and I do not want to be part of that. I will call you a cab so please drink up and go home". I downed the shot and took a closer look at him. He wore an all black suit and a mask. His hair was shoulder long and his name tag told me that his name was Choi.

„Choi, so kind of you to say though I did not come for advice. I am me and not your sister. So please mind your own business", I spat at him and payed my bill before heading out. I wanted to just drink and be left alone though the comment he gave me hurt. Even if I am drunk I don't become violent or an idiot. Why do people assume that this was the case when they see me drinking? I got used to numbing the pain and honestly I rarely get drunk. My tolerance for liquor was high so being drunk meant I spend way too much on this quick fix though on days like this I needed it. I closed my coat and fixed the scarf as I kept walking along the streets. The streets were less busy compared to the weekends where students and office workers would swarm the streets and head from bar to bar. They came here to enjoy themselves and I came to forget. It was worrying that I could not go one day without going to a bar after that one day. I knew it though I pushed the thoughts away the moment they bubbled up.

Current hits of idol groups were being played at each cafe and store I passed. The walls were filled with posters of endorsements of theirs. I stopped infront of one and wondered how many of their smiles were completely faked. Did they know how to smile genuinely? Were they happy? I started chuckling at this thought.

„Who was I to judge them when I also forget how to smile or be happy?", I whispered to myself and kept on walking. I walken and walked and found myself a bench to rest. It was near the riverside of the Han River. My mind was running a hundred miles a second and I was haunted by what happened one year ago. I was overcome with range and my hands formed fists. „After all this time I feel the same although he is dead. After all this time he still makes me feel inferior. I need to feel like myself again. I feel so lost", I whispered shouted at me with tears burning in my eyes. I wanted to be and feel like a human again.

My phones was buzzing and I looked at the caller ID to see that it was my manager. He always had bad timing.
„Yah, where are you? We have an emergency here so we need you back. Come quick and make sure to sober up before", he shouted. We worked for a bit together and he knew that I usually go for a few drinks after work. He did not judge me though I could tell that he was worried at times as I never socialized with any of the staff or co-workers.

I clicked my tongue annoyed at him and told him I might take a bit to come over. I hailed a cab, drove home to take a quick shower and change before heading out again. I knew that my manager would shout at me again for this though I could not afford people seeing me in such a mess. I was almost sober when I arrived at the company. I swiped my card to pay the cab driver and climbed out of the car. It was 3am and I was not the right time or day for me to come back to work. I entered the company sighing and saw him walk the lobby up and down nervously. I crammed out my shades to cover my blood shot eyes.

„Ah, there you are! WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? Come on, I will brief you while we head to the studio", he said rushed and dragged me towards the elevator.

„What is going on? You really need to pay me double for coming here at this time", I said as I freed myself from his grip.

„We have a problem. The entire albums were leaked. The ones that Teddy worked on and now nobody can reach him. The CEO said that he will not come back. He...", he whispered and towards the end his voice failed him. Teddy was my mentor for a while though we never really established any bond as I was never interested in something like that. I joined this company after the last place I was at ruined me. Walking into the same building where the most horrible person on earth had worked at made me relive the past over and over again. I needed a clean cut and that was why I moved to a new place and started at this new company, YG. When I first started I was the assistant of Teddy. Nobody knew that I was a DJ, mixing master and producer. I did not want them to know that though Teddy saw right through me and assigned me to small jobs every now and then. He gave me the time and space that I needed which I respected. His music was not comparable with others and I was surprised that someone like him would have ever any song leaked. This never happened and now entire albums were out before they should. Something did not sit right with me.

„Where is he?", I asked my manager who got paler and paler as the seconds passed by.

„No idea. He vanished", he added lifelessly before his phone rang. He picked up and his face fell when he heard the news. They must have found him and the fact that he was not crying I assumed that he was live. The manager hung up and looked at me with eyes full of sadness and betrayal.

„He left the company and leaked the songs on purpose. They say he signed with someone else. He is in the states now", he added dry.

I scoffed. I was used to learning shocking news about people and I did not trust anyone for that fact anymore. This was not surprising to me. Teddy never looked happy here. He as working endlessly and never build a life himself or something that lasted.

„Interesting. Sucks as he was your golden producer. What do you need me for then? I am too tired to connect the dots", I asked as we left the elevator.

„Teddy told me a while back that you are better than him at his job. I saw you once mixing for him and that is when I realized what he meant. Back then he asked me to give you time and space to step up from the dark corner you were in. We waited though with what just happened I can not wait any longer. We... no I need you to be the new main producer and work on some new songs for the artist that already have posters and promo kicked off. Thankfully it was only posters though we need songs quick. Please Ary, please", he begged me. "Our all jobs were at stake", he added. I ruffled my hair and nodded. I needed this job and I did not want Teddy to ruin so many lives of innocent people by dropping this bomb on us.

„I can try my best though my rate just increased. I will do it if you pay me 4x more and I get 75% of the royalties", I said smiling and he looked at me with wide eyes. Eventually he caved in and we met at 60% cut.

„You better bring out some hits. Here, this is the first artist you need to work with. She is already in the studio", he added and opened the door.

A tall woman was sitting in the dark. She had blond long hair and wore black ripped jeans and a hoody that was pulled over her head. Her hands covered her eyes and I could feel her sadness. Why was she so sad? Songs can be remade.
„Excuse me...", I said seriously and she looked up to me and smiled.

„Ah, you must be Miss..", the woman said and I cut her off.

„Just Ary please", I said and sat down on the chair.
„Nice to meet you Ary. Thanks for coming in so late. My name is Lisa", the woman said warmly and bowed.

I never met any of the artist before. I preferred my quiet corner and when Teddy was recording with them I would go home and do the mixing later. Nobody knew I existed apart from my manager and Teddy. I was not naive though. I recognized her voice from tracks I mixed and I was well aware of her talent and position in this company. She was in this girl group called Black Pink and Teddy would never shut up about how crazy good these girls were. He put in some extra time for their songs. More than for some others. He considered them his family and seeing her like this tells me that she must feel the same way. The betrayal must hurt.