(n): sudden outburst of emotion-typically negative emotions.
the diary (rant book?) of a girl that doesn't know how to articulate herself properly.
it's technically a journal too but let's call it a diary.
you emotionally abused me, verbally abused me, and i tolerated all of it because that's what you taught me love was. it took me over a year to leave you but i finally did and the relief i felt, it felt like this heavy weight was lifted off of my chest. i had no remorse, i was so tired and done with dealing with your shit and i can only hope that you don't do the same thing to your future significant others.
i'm attaching a few screenshots here because you're gonna want the evidence so you can find the small sliver to gaslight me the way you always did, i'm not even going to post the bad ones. these expose my name but i couldn't care less, its a common name. i have screenshots that could get you expelled from your university for the amount of verbal abuse within it. don't bother going back and deleting them, i am not planning on involving myself in your life at all unless you threaten me or anyone i care about in any way. i wasn't going to reach out, i was done with you entirely, but when casey came to me and told me that you believed you hadn't done anything wrong besides be too dependent on me, i have felt nothing but anger towards you since. i thought you at least knew what you did wrong, how you emotionally tormented me and made me feel like i didn't deserve to be alive without you. you made me want to die.
i need you to get your shit together because if you don't change and you treat every future partner like this, i hope that you end up alone forever because you will end up just like your dad and so much more. i don't want you to die either, i want you to feel the pain that i felt being with you. you made me cry literally every few nights, if not every night, and don't tell me that it was isolated incidents because i backlogged to show casey and it is EVERY THREE DAYS. you gaslit me to the point where i felt like i was going crazy or i was too insecure.
i am with brian now and he has not had a single issue with my "insecurity" because there is NO FUCKING INSECURITY with him, he makes me feel genuinely loved and cared for and like i deserve to live and not feel pain. when i tell him everything you did to me he's in awe of how a person like you can exist and still have friends. you may be the closest i have ever met to a psychopath.
casey has sent me screenshots of you comparing your current girlfriend to me and i feel so bad for her but i can't reach out because i know you'll manipulate her into thinking i'm the toxic ex, because if i had your ex reach out and tell me you were abusive i wouldn't believe her either. casey thinks you're emotionally abusing your current girlfriend now the way you did with me and if you are, i hope you get in a car crash but you live and you're stuck with terrible physical pain for the rest of your life. i sound crazy and mad and demented but i have never hated anyone more than i will hate you, and i am not a violent person but if i do ever see you and you talk to me and won't leave me alone i will punch you in the face.
it felt weird being so happy with him because you had trained me to feel bad always, so weird that i induce breakdowns sometimes just so i can feel pain because that is what i feel like i deserve, and that is entirely your fault. i probably need therapy just to recover from everything you have done to me and i hope you know that i am so much happier without you and there is not a single cell in my body that would want to stay with you or talk to you at all.
you are a disgusting man and i don't know how you convinced me that you were as amazing as i thought you were. the worst part is that i looked up to you as this brilliant person and for you to turn out to be the absolute scum of society has properly messed me up. if you ever read this, i know you're going to call me ignorant. but just know that you managed to make me hate you this much despite how much i loved you, and a feat like that is astonishing. i loved you like you were the only person in the world meant for me.
do not reach out to me ever again, unless it's to invite me to your wedding, because maybe don't break all of your promises.
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