Jaime

Page 15

"I really want a girl." Ellia was saying. They were at two months and were sitting in the doctors office waiting for her to get the sonogram machine going. I chuckle.

"A girl and a boy." Ellis says. Brock was sitting off to one side saying nothing. I knew he wanted a boy. He always said 'he' when he talked about a baby. Me, I wanted healthy and normal. I'd be happy no matter the gender.

"Alright Ellia since you are up on the table I guess you are first for this." we watched closely as a little baby came into focus.

"Oh Brock look." he stood and went to her so she could hold his hand and gush. He kissed her and watched the baby wiggle and move.

"They look good." the doctor says. "So you all said you wanted to know gender so I will tell you this, is a boy." Ellia giggles.

"Just means we have to try again for a girl. He'll be a great big brother. A chip off the old block." Brock kisses her deeply and the doctor gets her several stills and a DVD of the baby. I tug her close for a deep kiss. He sits with her in his lap. I help Ellis who we had noticed had popped just a little more than Ellia. I sit next to him and wait.

"I know you said before I was only having one but, is it possible one was hiding or something?" Ellis asks. We all look at him in surprise. The doctor smiles and nods.

"Yes. It's possible. Especially when little. You think you might be having twins?"

"Well, it sort of feels strange for just one. I get lots of movement and they are either never sleeping and trying to dance on my organs or there is more than one." I chuckled.

"Maybe we just have a little Fred Astaire." I tease him.

"Then they can have tap shoes when they can walk." the doctor gets the machine going and puts the wand to his stomach. I was trying not to worry. We knew that if we were having a baby like me we'd know because they'd be in full shape in the womb. The first look at two weeks they'd been to small to know. But it would be obvious now. Ellis holds my hand tight. Since our talk in the bathroom he'd been trying to be reassuring for me. I kissed him lightly and tried to keep my worry down.

"Well it looks like you were right. I see two little shapes." she maneuvers the wand around and shows us one baby.

"This looks like a little boy as well. Lets check their sibling." she gets the wand moved around and my heart plummets as I see a little wolf take shape. The long muzzle, the long tail, the ears. It was unmistakable. Ellis grabs my hand tighter.

"Can you see if they are girl or boy?"

"Well from lack of appendage I'd say this was a girl." I chuckle trying for happiness. I look at Ellis.

"You got your wish a little girl like me." he grinned but I could see the worry for me in his eyes. Ellia bounces up and hugs me tight.

"She's going to be gorgeous." she says.

"Yes she will." Brock is smiling but I see my own worry in his eyes and feel it in my link. Ellis collects his DVD and pictures and we head home. I listened to them gush and tried to be happy.

Late that night I'm sitting in the kitchen the picture of my little daughter in my hand. I hadn't wanted this. I didn't want a child cursed like me, any child let alone a little girl. It was bad enough being a male like this. But a little girl, would any but a goddess blessed mate want her? What kind of life will she have?

"Sitting here stewing about it won't do you any good." I looked up at Brock and the tears I'd been trying to keep back spilled down my cheeks. He stood in the kitchen doorway watching me.

"She'll be teased and looked down on. You know the fights, the name calling, the attempts on me that we endured growing up. You know what I did to myself when I couldn't take it anymore. I don't want my daughter to feel that. I didn't want a child who would be like me."

"Even had I been the one to get them pregnant it might still have happened. We are twins Jaime."

"I know but it would have been less chance at least. I won't get them pregnant again. A daughter cursed to be like me is bad enough. I won't have more that will be called freaks and told that they need to die. You know the times I had adults try and kill me. We don't have any in the pack who think like that now but when we were kids... I have scars all over from the beatings and claws. When I couldn't take it anymore I tried to kill myself. Now we've got a precious little daughter... sure in the pack she'll be cared for but the second she starts school it'll start. I don't want her to be told that her mother should have drowned her when she was born. Or that no one would ever love her. Guys tried to kill me and girls laughed at me. How many times did I hear that I'd never have even a goddess blessed mate that would love a beast like me." Brock moved to sit in his chair.

"Jaime, it won't be the same for her. You were the first. She'll have her problems I'm sure but the world, our world, knows about you and I don't think she'll have the same problems. Can't you just love her and let us worry about it if it happens?"

"I'll try. I do love her, of course I do. I am just afraid for her." I shake my head. "Not even born yet and I'm scared to death for them. The boys will be tainted the way you were when we were kids."

"And they'll stick together the way we stuck together." I nodded. I really hoped so. Looking at Brock I have to ask.

"When we were kids you went through a time where you got tired of it then in middle school you were just back at my side. I never figured out why you did that." he shrugged.

"I knew what happened the time they hauled you back from the woods. You said you'd fallen and it had cut up your arm. You'd said for nearly two weeks before that anytime you went off on a tangent that you shouldn't have been born. That if the pack wasn't such crappy fighters you'd have been killed already. You are my brother I didn't want you to feel like death was your only option. I loved you and figured I was going to make sure they didn't make you feel like that ever again. You tried again though. I never understood why. Things seemed to be alright then you went and... why did you do it the second time?" I winced and looked away.

"It doesn't matter." he just sits there and stares. I sigh. "Kevin and his cronies caught me out on a run one day. They were starting in on me. They'd caught me flirting with Alice at school. She thought I was cute. He started in on me being such a waste, that I was just a fucking animal. I should stay with my own kind. One of them had a..." was I really going to tell him this? "they had a big German shepherd. They smeared me up with some pheromones and got the thing to... mount me." I dared a glance at him and saw him staring at me in shock.

"I'm guessing that's why you nearly killed him the next summer in that fight?"

"I'd have killed him if the damn adults hadn't butted in. I was in a spiral and tried to gut myself but you had to go and be a hero." I say sighing.

"I could feel something was wrong. You didn't close your link tight enough." steps in the hall made us both turn to the doorway. Ellis came in.

"Everything alright?" he asks me as he came straight for me. His eyes were on the picture I'd crumbled as I'd talked. I straightened it.

"Old memories coming around to be a pain again. Brock was being an annoying brother and trying to help." Ellis sat on my knee and lifted the picture.

"I know that you are probable wishing she wasn't like you but, I am glad she is. A baby to be a little you. I'll get to play with her and spoil her and show people how much I love you. I love you so much I had to have a whole new person to love as well." I chuckle and hug him tight.

"You must love me a whole lot then."

"I do. Lots and lots. Come to bed let me show you how much." I let him get me up and headed for the bedroom.

'Anytime you have trouble just tell him. He loves you, he'll remind you that being you is a good thing.' Brock tells me in our link. Yeah, no matter the past I did have two mates, one of which truly loved me beyond anything. Something I didn't really think I'd ever get.