Everlasting || Han Jisung

27

Hyunjin rolled his eyes as he came down the flight of stairs to see his mom watching something on the TV.

"Mom, dad's coming over today."

"What? Why?" His mom said in a forbidden tone.

"I talked to Jeongin and dad last night and there are things we need to discuss, " Hyunjin paused. "As a family."

"We were never a family, Hyunjin." Mrs. Hwang stood up, agitated.

"You never let me feel like we are a family, mom."

"Hyunjin how could-"

"Dad's here." Hyunjin brushed his mom off as the door bell rang. "Jeongin!"

Hyunjin excitedly hugged his brother and greeted his dad.

"Hello aunt." Jeongin greeted Mrs. Hwang but there wasn't any such acknowledgement which made Jeongin feel a little bad but he was happy that Hyunjin and him were getting closer.

The 'family' sat in the living room, a tension hanging between them.

"I am here to talk about Hyunjin's future." His dad announced.

"What future? He is already Studying and you-"

"He wants to go back to Seoul."

"No, he doesn't."

"How do you know that?" Mr. Yang cocked his eyebrows.

"Because he is my son."

"You don't know Hyunjin, you never tried. If you did then you wouldn't have told him to leave Yeona , you wouldn't insult him for what gender he loves, you wouldn't have forced himself to be here." Mr. Yang exclaimed.

"Shut up!" Mrs. Hwang yelled.

" If you loved him then he wouldn't have had to fake having a girlfriend when his boyfriend was right there, with him! He wouldn't had to skip seeing his bestfriend when you went to see him!"

"What?" The woman was shocked out of her wits and turned to Hyunjin, eyes seeming like they were on fire. "YOU LIED ABOUT THE GIRLFRIEND? WHO WAS THE GIRL I MET THEN?"

"Hiah. She is Seungmin's girlfriend." Hyunjin said flatly. "The one I love is , and guess what ? you have met him too, Lee Felix."

"I- how could you lie to me?"

"BECAUSE YOU NEVER FUCKING LISTEN MOM!" Hyunjin raised his voice. "You would never listen if I told you I love a boy. Oh! and Yeona being my friend has nothing to do with my sexuality! Stop with those dumb excuses to control me."

"HYUNJIN!"

"I HATE YOU!" Hyunjin screamed so loud that his throat started hurting but the pain he had been going through the years , this was nothing in front of it.

His eyes welled up with tears and he had trouble timing his words with his breathes.
"I hate you for not being someone I can rely on. Mom, you know how everyone's parents are? They love their children and they care about them! Ever since dad went away because he couldn't take it anymore, I always tried to make sure you didn't had any trouble.

I used to see how Mrs. Yang treated Jeongin, how she treated me! She did a better job in loving me with the little time she had during my visits than you ever did! Yet, I never said anything and did everything you wanted even if that meant giving up the things I love just because you said it was hard to do things alone.

I thought I should be someone you can be proud of and inorder to make you proud, I lost myself! I WAS FUCKING SEVEN YEARS OLD MOM!! I WAS SEVEN WHEN I LOST MYSELF!"

Jeongin comforted Hyunjin as he cried and Mrs. Hwang stood there in total shock.

"I am sorry, I couldn't be there for you, Hyun." His dad said apologetically looking down at the floor.

"It's not you dad." Hyunjin said . "I know you always tried your best for me! You see, with mom ..as soon as you left I matured. I knew how to not burden and then suddenly I didn't knew how to be a child.

You were there for me but it's just that I couldn't get to you. "

"Oh Hyunjin." Mr. Yang pulled him into a hug as they both teared up.

" I only ever felt like a kid when I used to be with you, aunt and Jeongin. Going to yours were the best part of my holidays. You know, I loved mom so much.. so so much that I kept forgiving for things I shouldn't." Hyunjin pulled away , meeting gazes with his mom.

"I forgave her for telling me you didn't love me, I forgave her for breaking my friendships, I forgave her all these years when she insulted Yeona, I forgave her, always. But, now I cannot. I love Felix, I want to be with someone who loves me back just the same. I want to be with the girl who stood by me always and if that means not having connections with you, mom..I am totally okay."

Mrs. Hwang gasped and fell back on the sofa.
"Hyunjin i-"

"What? You are going to kill yourself?" Hyunjin chuckled lowly as tears rolled down his cheeks. "My days are as dark as the night just because of you, I have had enough of your guilt tripping me but mom, you know what's the biggest punishment for killing someone is? "

There was a pause as Hyunjin wiped his tears away.

"It's the death sentence and I don't think you thought about it when you killed the child in me, did you?

Don't expect me to take care of you when you didn't do that for me. Dad, I have packed my bags."

"Hyung, should I help with it?" Jeongin chirped, happy about his brother leaving this hell.

"Yes, Jeongin." Hyunjin rubbed the back of the younger's head.

Soon, Hyunjin was out of there. It absolutely crushed him, his eyes were red, face was swollen and even though the lump in his throat hurt like a fucking stab wound, atleast his heart and soul had a chance to heal.

We all love but when the love make you die slowly, it's better to part ways than letting it kill you in the name of love because love isn't in keeping you down, it's about letting you fly.

And sometimes, you hurt the people you love to pursue who you truly are . Guess what?

That's okay.
Don't give a fuck about it.

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IF SOMEONE KEEPS YOU FROM LOVING YOURSELF, FUCK THEM.