maple syrup | remus lupin [1]

126. at the surface, there was light

Looking into each compartment through their tiny windows, both Remus and James were yet to spot Claudia.

Well, that was until James walked past a toilet and by simple luck heard a familiar quiet voice mumble calming words to herself.

"It's okay," the girl repeated to herself over and over, trying not to panic inside the small loo as she thought about how Evan was on that very train, and how much she thought her friends would hate her if they knew that she had lied.

And she also thought about how much Remus would hate her if he knew that someone else had touched her body.

Which, of course, didn't really make any sense since it was without her consent, but Claudia couldn't possibly do anything but blame herself for it all.

She hated herself for leaving that damn glass of champagne despite Regulus' warning. She hated herself for smoking that damn cigarette.

And she hated herself for not being strong enough to push Evan away.

Claudia felt as if she was drowning. It was like all the noise was drained out, at the same time as everything was as loud as it could be.

She went further and further down with no one, for now, to pull her back up except herself.

And she wasn't strong enough.

She was tired and there was almost comfort in drowning and going further down. At least, well there, she wouldn't be able to feel herself disappear any longer.

But at the surface, there was light.

And this time around it came in the living form of James Potter.

You see, Claudia had of course locked the door, but a simple charm did wonders and soon enough his kind and gentle voice called out to her from the other side.

"Claudia? Is that you?"

She didn't answer, but the abrupt stop of comforting words and the small sniffle that either came from the unfortunate cold that was creeping up on her or the emotional mess she was, caused James to know just who it was.

And, due to the calming words, the sniffle and the lack of answers, James knew that something had in fact gone wrong during Easter.

"I'm coming in, alright?" He said, opening the door despite Claudia telling him not to.

He was, as expected, met by the sight of the girl, but he knew instantly that she hadn't slept a wink in a long time, because her eyes were awfully tired and her face awfully dull from where she stood in the tiny loo. Her hair was looking both dry and greasy at the same time, and she was wearing dark clothes that covered every little bit of her body; the only skin showed was her hands and face because the red and purple marks on her skin made her feel nothing by disgusting.

"Merlin, you look like hell," said James, knowing that he could easily cheer her up by being his ignorant self. However, he dropped that sarcastic smile on his face as soon as she only gazed at him nervously, refusing to meet his eyes.

"You could say that," she said in an almost whisper-like voice. "I did just get back."

James frowned deeply, shifting his eyes from the girl to the handle of the door, and shutting it - an action that caused him to not notice the way Claudia was backing away so that she wouldn't be too close to him.

"What happened?" He asked simply, kneeling down in front of her as she sat down on the toilet.

"Nothing," said Claudia, still refusing to meet his eyes.