This story is part two to my other story serving the commander if you haven't read that one yet I would before starting this one! Thanks 😊
Kylo Ren is haunted by his past in more ways than one, longing for his love clouded by the dark side he sear...
Memory tells me of the soft freckled cheek beneath my touch, of the sharp contour of his jaw, but senses once again fail me as there's almost no real connection at all. Nothing like in his dreams, nothing like I wish everything to feel just once more.
Sighing deeply even quieter now "do you feel it? The warmth? If I think about it hard enough I could swear it's there..." smiling up at the man I love noticing that he's actually feeling the warmth of his own hand where mine should be.
Not ruining the moment only softly responding "I feel it yes...." but that something was only regret longing and heartbreak. Pulling away he leisurely walks back towards the pilot's seat once again only this time less collapsing and more ease, sighing heavily staring out into space barely mumbling "come, sit."
Confused but obedient making my way towards his lap lightly laying horizontally across it, knowing neither of us could feel the other just imagining the sensation was there, the closeness of our bodies brought back by remembrance.
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The ship still on autopilot coasting throughout space slowly, allowing enough time to pass between misplaced lovers as they take each moment with significance.
At some point Kylo wrapped his cloak around the figure of "us" rocking gently back and forth before reluctantly bobbing his head up and down trying his damnedest not to nod off, it was no use and after a few last jerks the rise and fall of his chest slowed and the hand hovering upon what should be my hip falls into his lap giving way that he'd fallen into a deep slumber.
***
Time passes while silently watching him sleep, head hanging uncomfortably with long dark hair framing most of his face barely showing the small part in his lips that lets soft snores escape them.
What a beautiful man he is, never knowing his own beauty and that's probably in my favor, would I have ever pulled someone like him if he'd known? Nuzzling closer wishing with everything that I could feel the warmth radiating from his chest, but no this life I've been thrown into only teases me with such luxuries.
Remembering how cold space was, how cold inside fighter must be only made me fantasize more of past lives warmth. Days spent basking outside on my home planet, how the heat from the sun would wash over covering my whole body in its rays of heat, oh how I've missed the feeling of hot food or drinks something never given much thought before...before this...and cozy blankets, warm hugs, late nights spent tightly in the arms of someone you love.
But most of all I miss the cool feeling of sleek porcelain sliding across my back as I dip down into a steaming bath, those nights on Starkiller enjoying the splendor of the first order.
Memory teases me as I close my eyes, deeply inhaling while my mind remembers the smell of eucalyptus, humming softly hands rise around my chest imitating the motion of scrubbing with all of Kylo's special oils and soaps.
