(NOT fan fiction!) Kurt Cobain and Tally Fisk

Chapter Eighteen

Kurt is just sitting in my desk chair, shaking his head in disapproval as I recount the tale to John.

I almost didn't tell him. I had this weird superstition that if I didn't tell him, Tally wouldn't tell Mavis. And I don't know why but I don't want Mavis to know.

"So, let me get this straight," John says from an air mattress on my floor. "She kissed you first, right?"

I roll over so I can't see Kurt and stare at the ceiling.

"Well, she sort of barely put her mouth against mine and begged me to kiss her."

"Why is that hot? It should be pitiful. Either way, there's no way you could resist that."

"What do you mean? Are you trying to say other people could resist? Normal people?"

"I mean, you've loved her your whole life. That's all. She wasn't just any girl asking you. She was Tally Fisk, asking you to kiss her. Kyle's going to kill you. RIP, you."

"Thanks."

"I don't think it was a mistake."

I almost ask why but I realize it's Kurt talking, not John.

Why doesn't John notice the desk chair spinning?

"You'll never have to wonder now, you know?" Kurt says. "You'll be an old, bald man in a rocking chair somewhere, and you'll always remember that you kissed that girl. That girl who ignored you all those years. That girl you thought was better than you, you know?"

I fall asleep with my mind flickering images of Westfahl Wood. Blond hair tangled up against rough tree bark. Silver moonlight. Blood and fire. Smoke and laughter. Sweat at the back of my neck. Soft skin under my callused fingers.

Staying out late, and staying up talking even later, doesn't make being to work by eight a joyful activity.

I clock in and stumble to the back of the store where there are two loading carts stacked high with stuff that didn't get put out yesterday.

I sigh and push the heavy cart out and start my mindless task that will earn me about twenty bucks a week after Uncle Sam swipes his cut.

Why can't Kurt show up here? The one place I could use an unwanted ghost.

John's still unconscious back on that air mattress. I'll bet Tally and Mavis are still sleeping too. Did Tally tell Mavis what happened? What did Tally mean when she said she wishes she could choose me?

I've replayed the kiss a thousand times in my mind already but now the conversation afterward replays against my will.

Maybe I was too cruel.

Don't touch me.

It was fun and now it's done.

Did she deserve those words? Maybe I'm just a huge jerk and never knew it because I never had the chance.

A peace offering probably wouldn't hurt.

On my fifteen-minute break, I head out to my car, set the alarm on my phone and close my eyes for a few minutes.

When I open my eyes again, my car is sliding violently sideways. The sound of crumpling metal is the only noise I can hear. My heart stops and I can't seem to suck in a breath. I hear a man calling out my name but he seems so far away.