(NOT fan fiction!) Kurt Cobain and Tally Fisk

Chapter Twelve

I hope my song choice isn't cruel.

I'm not trying to make her hurt more. I'm just trying to play a song she can connect to. What makes you love a song is how you connect to it the first time you hear it.

So, I choose a very specific song for Tally.

Honestly, it's hard to know exactly what Kurt is trying to say with his songs. In truth, it's hard to know for certain what any musician is truly saying with their work because you hear it through the lens of your own experiences. Well, no one hears through a lens but you know what I mean.

The song seems to be about a guy who's really just using a girl. But she's using him too, so no one can really complain about it.

I'm not saying for sure that Tally's using Kyle but I am saying that Kyle's using Tally and she knows it. I don't know it. But she's said as much so it's true in her mind.

Like I said, I just want her to connect to whatever song I choose so long as I'm proving to her that rock is worthwhile.

When I'm done playing, I siphon some courage from the thin air around me and look up at her.

She's got what can only be referred to as a cat smile on her face. Now I know what that term means.

"Clever," she says.

"I do what I can."

Our eyes lock and my throat goes dry.

"You make harsh and tangled pleasing and intricate."

Mavis. I had forgotten she was here too.

I cough and tear my eyes from Tally's.

"Thanks, I think." I smile at Mavis and feel a pang of guilt for forgetting she was here.

"It's nice if you like that sort of thing," Tally says and goes for another eggroll.

"Well, I think you do like that sort of thing," I say. "But, what do I know?"

Then I start the Taylor Swift song and watch Tally's recognition light up Tally's eyes like Christmas lights. The thrill that runs through me is indescribable, but I know I'll have to try to put the feeling down on paper later.

We all pretty much think we know ourselves. But there are times when we realize we don't, because something happens and a brand new thing inside our souls is unlocked and released.

As I sit in the June warmth and watch my crowd of two move slightly to the beat of the song I'm playing, I have their full attention and there exists an unexpected juxtaposition of feeling like this is all I'll ever need and wanting more, more, more.

When I strike that last chord, I look up and see in those girls' faces that I brought them a few seconds of happiness.

"Wow," Mavis says, applauding. "What a spin! I like how you did that."

Wheels are turning in Tally's head and, once again, I wish I had a map, a guide to figure her out.

"And you've been right across the street from me this whole time," is what she says.

She's studying me. I study her right back.

She's the one to break the spell by saying, "I've figured out what we're going to do tonight."

Mavis looks wary.

"I'm afraid to ask," she says.

"We'll have our own little party. We don't need to leave the block. Not when we've got woods right behind Spence's house."