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Ayo Got Yo Fuckin Dog Bitch!!

The Monday Uncle Vernon picked up Aunt Marge was suitably dreary; the sky was clouded over and was a dark grey, rain drizzled down, and the distant rumble of thunder set the mood for the impending visit. Harry was preparing for the visit with a lot of advice from his followers. He had a rubber band on his wrist to keep himself from losing his temper, a silly little poem he memorized to help distract himself, and if all else fails he would pretend to be ill to get away.

"Boy! Come get the bags!" Aunt Marge threw her suitcase into his stomach as she rushed to coddle Dudley and Uncle Vernon glared at him meaningfully. Harry simply dragged the heavy suitcase up the stairs while ignoring Ripper's growling.

The rest of Monday was spent being an over glorified house elf for Aunt Marge and her damn dog. If he had to sit through one more conversation on how he needed to be beaten more often, he might just 'accidentally' pop a tide pod into her brandy. He was already tired of her and her need to drag him and his parents. He was fully planning on utilizing some of the advice from his followers that would disappoint Dumbledore, but honestly after he forced Harry to go back to his horrible relatives, the man could suck a lemon.

Tuesday dawned just as dreary and rainy, the perfect weather to gaslight his relatives!

"Boy get up! Breakfast needs to be ready in thirty minutes," Aunt Petunia snapped at him, time to initiate phase 1 one the plan.

"Of course Aunt Petunia! Do you think Aunt Marge would prefer ham or bacon?" Harry had the most sincere fake smile he could manage as he spoke in a cheerful tone. "Oh, I should make a bit extra for Ripper!"

Petunia had gone completely pale as she stared at the very happy teenager as he flounced around the kitchen to make breakfast. Her horror magnified as he turned on the radio near the stove while he cooked, humming and swaying to the song. He had breakfast prepared within twenty minutes and set on the table as the other three trampled down the stairs. The happy-go-lucky act continued all throughout breakfast, confusing and scaring everyone except Harry.

After breakfast, Harry was sent to his room, mostly so his relatives could have a break from the overly cheerful boy. Once the boy was safely in his room, he couldn't help the almost hysterical laughter that bubbled out. His plan was already working, even more so than he was expecting, and he was practically guaranteed a week of peace if he kept this up! He slumped into his chair as he powered on the monitor to check his notifications.

5488732188895 commented: this kid is a top tier shit poster! Definitely earned a follow

Weebsanonymous commented: GASLIGHT GATEKEEP GIRLBOSS!!!

Overall, the comments were just as crazy and random as before, but they caused Harry to genuinely smile. Part two of his plan was going to be trying on his patience and dedication, but he never backed away from a challenge before, he wouldn't start now.

The next time Harry was called to do his chores, he kept up the cheerful attitude while he cleaned the house and washed the dishes. Phase two began when Dudley toddled in and knocked him down. Instead of responding in anger or ignoring him, Harry began sniffling. The utter fear that froze Dudley as he watched his cousin begin to cry. The panic grew as Harry started to tearfully question him.

"Dudley! Why would you do that? I was just trying to get my chores done so I could make lunch! Did I upset you? What did I do wrong?"

Before he could even think to answer, the thumping of Vernon's footsteps sounded through the house as he made his way to the kitchen. Harry was on his feet completely tearless when he walked in.

"What is going on?"

"Nothing Uncle Vernon! Dudley just came in to ask when lunch would be ready!" Harry's answer was as cheerful as before. "I was just telling him that I would start lunch now."

"Fine. Get to it!"

Harry smiled happily at the two as he moved to start lunch. His smirk at Dudley's confusion and panic was blocked by his body as he started making sandwiches and tea. Today was really going great so far!