I'm The Geek Who Slapped A Football Player.

67 - Not A Lucky Duck

"Ugh!" My grunt was met with curiosity by Farida, but I didn't hear her question as I got out of the van. I don't have enough energy for this! I need food!! And to protect my remaining brain cells!

"Clarisse, you okay?" The moment I step up onto the curb Farida catches me and slips her arm through mine, concerned. "I didn't mean to be a bitch earlier—"

"You're not a bitch!" I snapped, then sighed. I dropped my head onto her shoulder and heard her spitting out my hair, which I'd also attempted to put into a bun, but it looks more like a giant heap of garbage.

"Was a long night. You were so tired last night we didn't get to even ask you much, you kept grunting 'Don't talk to me I'm sleep-dreaming', and then you almost hit Scarlett in your sleep when she tried to take the keys from you!"

I couldn't help but giggle at that. I'd become so exhausted that I had actually almost dozed off...while sitting with Abel. He didn't mind at all (according to Scarlett) and when I'd somewhat woken up I'd tried to get up out of embarrassment (this I did remember). Eventually, I convinced Abel to let me get up and I'd dropped into an enormous camping chair that was deposited before me, curling up into it like a hammock (it was a giant chair, I am not that tiny, it was made with enormous American glutes in mind). Despite the jibes and loud music I had actually fallen asleep for about forty five minutes, only to be half woken by Scarlett saying she'd drive us home. Parts of the experience getting to the van were fuzzy and then vivid, and I blocked it out, blushing.

Ah, damn, lost a brain cell.

"I don't know what to think," I admit as we approach the little shop, the front chalkboard proclaiming pumpkin spice lattes, apple cider, and apple smoothies as the weekend special. Truly, I don't. I'm supposed to be smart, and analytical, but as we've all gathered I'm about as socially capable as a fucking walnut! And despite how some girls would grasp at the chance to have either Sebastian or Abel, or even enjoy being between them, my own very real low self esteem and fear of inadequacy and just downright anxiety keeps me very tightly away from either ledge to which one would jump to either of them.

Plus! I don't know fully what they want! And I don't know fully what I want! And like hell am I gonna sort it all out by just asking!! That'd just make too much sense and force actual big questions like 'what are we' or 'what am I to you' out there and those thoughts make my stomach roll and has my few brain cells jittering on their deathbeds... How can I ask those question when I don't know what I fucking want?!

"Don't think about it, just take them both," She supplies, and her evil giggles distract me as we enter the shop. Inside it's bustlingly busy and we stand in the long curving line. It's a cute, redone little place with old wood and original booths. The smell of bagels and muffins and coffee fill my head and I lock onto the menu.

Once at the front we order: Apple cider and blueberry muffin for me, Cappuccino and an everything bagel for Farida, and a Pumpkin Spice Latte and a slice of pumpkin bread for Scarlett (who gave us her order via text).

As we wait off to the side, I ask, "What'd Scarlett say about her mom?"

Farida is replying as I speak, thumbs moving in rapid-fire fashion. "She's not 'mad' but just 'disappointed'." We both groan. "She wishes Scarlett would have called her...because she'd have totally been in the mood for a phone call at like 2am."

I imagine how my mom would react and shudder as if I'd just watched someone get disemboweled (because, if my Mom ever found out, I'd be disemboweled). "Nope. Wouldn't have been good."

A tendril of fear climbs up my spine as I think about my mother. She'd been damn excited about my hanging out with friends, but that was just because it was a football game, and the entire group was girls. If my mother ever got even a whiff of an idea that that I'd driven to some kind of party and been out all night...goodbye cruel world! Hello padded bedroom with padlocked doors and windows and parental visiting hours.