The Golden Girl

Chapter 6

A girl looked up at me. Her cheeks were soft and rosy. Turning towards her mother she started jogging across the road, her chocolate ringlets bobbing up and down. I saw it coming. I could feel the vibration of the car. The wind destroyed the impact and I watched them fall, the little girl's strawberry coat, a sudden blur of red. The woman's hair fading to deep crimson. A scream echoed through the elements, tearing the earth to pieces, as it tried to hold onto the life before it, but nothing could be done. They were gone.

✽

My breath caught in my chest. No. I couldn't breathe. It hurt all over like I'd been suddenly thrown into a raging fire. I tried not to think. To not rewatch the never-ending destruction, but it came again and again. Sitting up, I watched the tears fall effortlessly on my pillow. I must escape.

✽

Once I was out of the house, I let out a breath of relief. Thank goodness they weren't awake.

Somehow I managed to walk along the street until I reached the shore. It was quiet at this hour and I felt somewhat better to be staring out at the never-ending horizon. The sun was coming up. Slowly rising over the landscape, causing the clouds to turn a vairy of pretty colours, from soft pink to deep purple.

"How am I to bear this?" I muttered to the world around me.

It hurt, like every little part of me was crumbling to a ball of nothingness.

"I am strong," I whispered.

As soon as I'd spoken the words I could feel the strength running through me like a drug. You don't have to be strong inside just on the outside and surely I could do that.

✽

Small rays of sun were streaming through the window as I walked up the steps. One step in front of the other until I rested my hand on the doorknob. I went to turn it when suddenly it opened. The reaction was spontaneous.

"What in the world!?" He exclaimed as he ran into me.

We fell on the deck and I watched as he stood up, analyzing me. My chest constricted with dread.

"I went for a walk..." I said, forcing a smile.

"At this time in the morning?"

"Well yes, I..." I stared at the frangipani tree trying to think of what to do.

I could feel his gaze on me, piercing my soul and leaving me speechless.

"Where did you go?" He whispered.

"The beach."

We didn't speak, but I knew for certain, he knew there was something I didn't want to tell him.

"It's okay. You don't need to..." He broke off, "I'm going surfing. Do you want to come? It might take your mind off things."

Ignoring my inner voice, I shook my head, picturing Julie.

"No, I better go shopping with Jules. She'll be hurt if I don't."

His face was serious and held a touch of frustration.

"I think you need to stop worrying about others so much."

"I'll be okay," I insisted.

Never in my life had anyone been able to read me so clearly.

"Bye Sophie," He whispered.

If I hadn't walked inside at that very moment I knew without any doubt I would have cracked, but I'd sworn to myself to never show my vulnerable side again. Not even to Angus.

✽

"So Sophie..." Susie asked, "Got any new interests at the moment?"

"I want to learn to surf..."

Her expression turned puzzled.

"No, no silly, you know what I mean."

"Oh Susie stop it, the poor girl has no idea what you're talking about!" Melissa exclaimed.

My cheeks turned bright pink.

Melissa took my arm, "What she means is boys, dear. You know." She gave me a little nudge. "Surely you've noticed someone at school?"

Julie raised an eyebrow.

"No she hasn't... she would have told me."

I tried to think of a suitable answer.

"I find I get distracted these days and don't notice the things I used to."

It was the most honest comment I could come up with. After being away from people for so long I was starting to realise things. Starting to notice how self-centred most people were, but most importantly, only some had a gift at understanding human nature. Julie understands what I've been through but she doesn't seem to understand me. Sophie. Is that because I'm so good at hiding my inner self? The part which is valuable and weak. The part I hate. A shiver ran down my spine. Only Angus has seen that side. Why him? How come Julie cannot see what Angus does? Is it because he just happens to catch me when my vulnerability is at its peak? Or is it simply him?

✽

It wasn't until the arm shook me that I came back to reality.

"I think you need a cute pair of overalls," Julie cried.

"A what?" I asked, half dazed.

She gave me a quick hug.

"You okay?"

So she could see. How much? I thought, staring into her grey eyes. I was so occupied that I nearly forgot to respond.

"I'm fine," I laughed.

"You're right, you know. You do get distracted these days. I hope not on bad things. They aren't all bad are they?"

"Half and half," I explained, trying to change the topic back to the overalls.

'Well, I'm glad there's a little bit of sunshine in that storm."

Her face beamed with such warmth, I was sure she must be overheating. I tried to work out exactly where all this warmth was coming from and concluded it had to originate from the heart. She was right. The sun was slowly making its way through the dark clouds. Hard work doing such a thing, but both she and her family were succeeding. To a point. Only one person could truly free me and that was myself. But I'm not ready to let go. Not yet.