The Golden Girl

Chapter 1

Julie's offer played with my thoughts. To leave would mean I left this place. This place where... My mind stopped thinking and I simply stared at the vast ocean. I had to leave, she was right. Inverloch could give me nothing but sorrow. I knew I should and I was just about to ring her back when my Dad's hollow face appeared before me. No. I could not leave him. Just the thought of him being alone shredded me to the bone. I couldn't leave. I just couldn't.

I got back to the house. The wind howled as I stepped into the kitchen. He was there, reading the paper looking normal, but we both knew, especially me, that he was only trying to stay occupied.

"Hey Soph," he whispered.

I went over and wrapped my arms around him. Never would I ever take such moments for granted.

"How was your walk?"

"It was good... Julie called," I murmured.

"About that," He said and he took off his glasses meaning whatever he was about to say was serious.

He looked at me for a long moment. I suddenly wanted to run. What was he going to say?

"I want you to go to Queensland."

"What?" I could barely speak.

He stood up and grasped my shoulders.

"You need to leave Soph. You'll never escape the trauma here. You need to start your new chapter."

"Without you... you must be joking!" I gasped.

"Fine then. I command you, as your father, to leave."

"D-d-dad. I can't." I clung to him, holding onto the small hope that he would stop the conversation and simply move on, but he didn't.

He knew I was depressed, that together we were nothing more than farmers looking out over the never-ending grey mass of water. Farmer's whose happiness had been crushed in a single blow.

"What about you?" It was barely a whisper.

"My dear Sophie. I am old and I have already lived a wonderful life. I cannot bear to watch you disintegrate like this. You deserve a future. One with happiness and love."

"I have love. I have you."

He raised an eyebrow, "And yet you lack happiness or any joy for that matter. Darling Sophie, you need to live. You need to smile and laugh. Please understand."

I let the stubbornness vanish as I realised his desire to see me happy was the only thing in months that made him seem real. Made him seem alive. If it would help him, then yes I would do it. I would do anything if it could help extinguish the hurt we felt.

✽

I booked the next flight. I still felt hollow driving to the airport but suddenly there was something else. Maybe it was hope? People were everywhere and it was hard to step onto the sidewalk without being in someone's way. I was so used to being non-existent that for a moment I was shocked. I turned to Dad, he had tears in his eyes but he was smiling and suddenly as though the sun slammed in my face, so was I. We walked through the sliding glass doors and stood speechless as my luggage was carried away. I hardly had any luggage, in-fact I didn't really see a point in wearing different outfits. To me, they all looked the same.

"Five minutes," He whispered, giving me another hug.

"I love you, Daddy," I smiled, embracing his arms.

He pulled back and stared at me, those big brown eyes calming my never-ending nerves. The over speaker called me but I stayed staring at him, and then I felt them. Small tears slid down my cheeks. I shook my head and closed my eyes.

"Bye..."

"You promise me," He said sternly. "That you have fun."

Fun. I didn't even know what that meant anymore.

"I love you Dad. I'll be back and yes I'll try."

"You try. You try for me okay?"

He was talking slowly in that voice he used when I was five and crying over a biscuit.

"I will."

It was my last words and it hit me as I sat down on the plane. I just condemned myself to something I knew with all my heart I couldn't achieve. How could I have fun when I was no more than a body moving mindlessly in an attempt to keep others happy?