Trying Your Luck - Bucky BarnesxOC

Part 65: At Last

Bucky's jaw clenches and he nods.

"What happened?"

"I..." A sigh. "Remember I told you about those nightmares I have about the Hotel Inessa in Russia?"

"Yeah."

"I killed Yori's son there when I was the Winter Soldier."

Shannon covers her mouth with her hands.

"Oh my God," she whispers. "And he has no idea?"

Bucky shakes his head and cradles his coffee mug between his hands.

"I've been trying to find the right way to tell him and give him closure, but I don't want to lose his friendship." Bucky fights back tears. "I know it's selfish."

She leans over and grasps his fingers.

"It's human, Buck. But you have to do the right thing."

"That's why he's last on the list. Because I'm too much of a coward to do it first."

"You're not a coward. You're owning up to actions you had no control over. That takes a lot of courage and work, and it's really fucking scary."

He wipes away a tear before it can fall down his cheek, disguising the action as an itch. She catches it, though.

"Listen. You go off and do the amending and I'll stay here. It's important that you do that part by yourself. I can keep looking for the others if you let me copy your list," Shannon offers.

"Really?" Bucky asks.

"Sure." She laughs. "It's not like I'm doing much else, Buck."

He takes a deep breath.

"Well, half the list is in New York or DC, so you'd only have to work through eleven more names. Maybe a few more if they're no longer in America." He looks up at her. "You really want to help me with all of this?"

Shannon smiles and squeezes his hand.

"We're a team, Bucky. This is what partners do for each other."

He's been waiting for the right time to ask her. Something clicks. Puzzle pieces fall into place. Here, in this kitchen, it feels like the perfect place. Alpine sleeps on the chair beside them and Ace is lying at her feet. He was going to do something huge and romantic, but sometimes the timing is just perfect. Plus, he's tired of waiting, of trying to time the exact right moment and think of the exact right thing to say to express to her how much he loves her. Bucky takes a deep breath, trying to steady his heart rate. He's been in a seemingly endless number of terrifying situations, but nothing like this. Ever. Honestly, he would much rather have a gun to his head right now. He would at least know how to handle it. If she says no, he has no idea what the fuck he's going to do.

"Shannon, can I tell you something?"

She turns to him with a smile so sweet, he swears his teeth could fall out just looking at it.

"Of course you can. You can tell me anything."

He feels like he's swallowing a wad of cotton, but he speaks anyway.

"You've changed me. I didn't think that it was possible after everything with HYDRA and all of that shit, but you did. You've been patient and loving, and more than understanding. About everything. You see me, Shannon." His eyes well up with tears. "Nobody really sees me. Not like you do."

He watches her eyes fill with tears.

"I love you, Bucky. I think I've loved you since our first date."