The Destiny Against Us : JayWon

Chapter 32: Treasure

Chapter 32

Treasure

I wiped my tears as I lay on my bed. I didn't know how long I'd been crying nor how much I had already cried. All I know is tears won't dry and keep descending from my eyes, and I'm waiting for them to stop on their own. Something I'm not even sure if possible.

These few days, it became the mouth of pain I couldn't express and tell my own.

That day was wrecking. It got the best of me and beats me to everything. I still remember how it feels to learn that the love of my life was promised to someone else and gave up everything for me that way.

It was an emotion that I didn't know was possible to be felt, confusions, doubt, betrayals, blues, anger, pain, fear, and everything all together. My heart beats fast, and my chest gets tights and feels repeatedly squeezed and pierced by sharp objects nailed from where I was. Fighting those emotions that even you want to calm, there's no way because you won't be just able to think straight, and all sensations of emotions will get the bad out of you.

We both cried hard, I never saw him like that, and that was the most heartbreaking sight I have seen in my entire life, him tired, broken, suffering, and lost asking me to stay. Begging me with his eyes and as the world is above him, ready to crush him anytime.

It's indeed painful knowing someone you love, perhaps couldn't trust you and chose to fight for the both of you without you knowing it. But it was more painful knowing what he had gone through alone for the both of us.

The thought he had it hard than I imagine just won't let me sleep at night. It's been days since I knew everything but the pain didn't leave me alone nor became less, Just greater with the different scenarios in my head.

I already forgave him for hiding all of that from me, I love him never less despite knowing he was promised to someone, and we might not end up together, perhaps.

But I seem to couldn't forgive myself for having him go through all this. Not only this but for everything all by himself.

Maybe he won't go through this if he doesn't have me, perhaps he wouldn't lose everything if he just won't have me, perhaps non of these are happening.

I find it really funny how could I even think of that when clearly I will choose the same path all over again. I can't even imagine my life without him now,

But that got me wishing for him to choose a different path instead. The path without me. I wish he would as that much will be better than seeing him lose everything and having a hard time because of me.

I would rather be hurt alone than see him crumble because of me and regret choosing me if there will be a time like that because I won't be able to live with it.

I wiped my own tears when I heard someone at the door. I glanced at the wall clock and saw it was already three in the dawn,

"Love?" A familiar gentle voice of Jay called me. I wiped my face more even it was useless, hoping that would erase the evidence. I was about to open the door when "Are you still awake?" he asked behind my bedroom's door in a soft low tone,

I smiled as I opened the door and immediately welcomed him with warm hugs as I wrapped my arms around his nape and slid my face on his neck, also a way to buy time to calm my swollen eyes.

He laughed softly. There's already no space between us, but he wrapped his arms more around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

"I haven't showered and changed yet." he reminded me in a soft tone,

I could tell that as he was still in business clothes. It must have been another tiring day for him. "It doesn't matter," I replied as I snuggled to his neck more. He giggles softly.