Disobedient -A DRACO MALFOY LOVE STORY-

-53-

I placed my hands behind my head, my eyes finding every crack, every piece of chipping paint on the ceiling. My eyes closed finally, but still, I did not sleep. And still I felt guilty, a low murder in the bottom of my stomach. I had broken yet another promise.

Flashback
"Where have you been." Astra's drained voice sounded from her bed, as I walked right past her, throwing my coat over the chair and heading straight for the bathroom. I locked the door behind me. I hated being here, at Emerald House, with her. And now we were married, and I was finished.

I looked in the reflection, and it was cold, and horrible. All I could smell was smoke, smoke surrounding me, consuming me almost. Like a nasty cloud of regret and self destruction that would not lift from my skin.

"Draco please come out of there." She said, and her voice was just as twisted and sharp and cutting as ever. If only it was sharp enough to cut my throat. I took off my tie, my shirt collar itching at my neck as I undid the top button that was restricting my airway a little too much. My breath was struggling as I heaved over the sink, my arms supporting me either side of the white, porcelain basin.

Finally, I unlocked the door, standing there, evil and wicked in the doorway.

Astra looked worried, and pale. Her nightgown sitting snug around her little figure. My eyes ravished her like a dog. A disgusting, gruesome dog that was angry and starved.

"Why do you smell like smoke....Draco you smell like burning." Her words were panicked and worried as her hands ran over my soot stained face. I didn't know what to feel. I couldn't believe what I had just done. Disappointed was a complete and utter understatement.

"Where have you been?" She asked again. All these questions. And still, I stood there in my smoke smelling wedding robes. Dirty and sweaty, filthy with ash and regret. But she stood there, perfect. Clean and pretty, and obedient and pure. Surrounded by a room that was pale and pristine, it's white walls and white lamps almost creating an unearthly glow from her pale, smooth skin.

My head flopped forward, my messy hair moving with it, falling over my dishevelled face. But still she picked it up with her two hands, holding my face in her palms. And she smiled, a sort of sorry smile, one that to this day has never left me. It was sad, and it almost made me sad for her. Because I knew that she loved me, well I think she did, to some extent.

My mind was too hazy, to clouded in angry hatred for this moment to be special, for any real affection to be shown. I had already disgusted myself, now I had given up trying to grasp hold of my fading sanity. How could I have done that? Burnt down the only place of peace that Lyra had left. But how could she have done that to me? Broken the promise we had once held in each other. Her inky forearm was pressed onto the walls of my mind, alongside smoke, and my own broken promises.

Astra kissed me, and I kissed her back, as though we hadn't done it a thousand times. My hands found her delicate waist as I pulled her closer to me.

I then hesitated, debating in my head if I should stop now, pull away just when she wanted me the most. I had a habit of doing that, to many people. It was almost like she could tell what I was thinking, I mean she'd known me long enough.

"You know you want to," The blonde witch smiled through a smirk. That Astra Emerald smirk that I had fallen victim to more times than I would like to admit. I tired to remind myself of the type of person she was, the pain she had caused Lyra. But then again, what type of person was I, a no better one. And Lyra wasn't mine anymore, my Emerald was Astra, I had to constantly remind myself.

She kissed me again, and I stared down at her, her curves and breasts and the way her blonde, golden hair just fell. I couldn't look away. I pulled her closer to me, it felt as though I was marking her, with my dirty dirty hands, trying to wipe off the pain and misery that coated my skin. But she was no purer than I was, and she was no where near as innocent as she wanted me to see her as, on our wedding night. For as long as I was touching her, my hands would never be clean.

She reached for my buckle, pulling off my belt, before undoing the button of my suit trousers. A delicate, angelic hand reached out for me, and I took it. She lead me to her bed. Our wedding bed.

Even though it was sickening, and cruel, the whole time, my mind only thought of one Emerald, mine. Not the one moaning and breathing beneath me. I felt guilty, just not enough.

Afterwards, we just lay, in the silence of the room. Quite. I could hear her breathing, it was soft now, and her body felt warm next to mine. A suffocating type of warm, one that makes you want to open the window, or undo your top button. Not a comforting type of warm, a warm where you want to radiate ones heat forever, and never let their body drift so far from your own. I wished it was that kind of warm, but it wasn't.

"I'm sorry." Astra spoke into the darkness, her back facing me as she lay naked under the covers. I didn't speak, only lay facing the ceiling, white and clean, with no cracks for me to cast my attention to.

"You like me, don't you?" Her words were soft, almost like a whimper. I almost didn't know how to respond, there was an act I had signed up to when I said I would marry her, but did it really need to be kept.

I had to be truthful, yet I think she already knew.

"Yes. Your my wife, of course I like you." I replied, words that should've been comforting came out cold and alone, as though I lay in this bed by myself, not next to my newly wed wife.

She took a pause after that, and a sickening feeling mingled in my stomach as I began to realise what she wanted to say.

"You like me, but...you don't love me."

"Astra I-" My words were a mumble as they came out after a second of silence.

"Because I'm not her." She didn't sob, or cry but I could tell that tears were forming in her green green eyes. And for the first time, the first time in my life, I think I felt sorry for her. Because she was right, and she knew it all too well herself.

My breath hitched and I opened my mouth to say something. But I had nothing to say. Nothing at all. And there was nothing I could say to make it any better.

All I could do was lay there in the darkness, and know that I would never be able to love her, love anyone, as much as I loved Emerald.
-

The cracks in the ceiling were comforting as my eyes discovered them in the semi light. My head turned to the right, and there she was my Emerald, asleep and peaceful. The way it always should have been. Safe, in our wee room at Grimmauld Place.

The clock on the beside cabinet read 5:30 and I knew what day it was no matter how many times Lyra had tried to hide it from me. I still had a little time before she woke up. Eagerly, I grabbed the closest piece of paper, which just so happened to be the inside page of the play next to me. I started a list. The streets of London would be quiet enough for another hour or so. And I had ingredients to buy.

AN: Hi all. Hope this wasn't too confusing with the flashback and everything- plz let me know If it was so I can work on it!
Also sorry for the lat update, I've been so so ill this week, and just broke up with my boyfriend lmaooooo but we're all good.
Love u all and stay safe💗💗
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