Fly For Me Bluebird (boy×boy)

Bird Watching

The evergreen trees are always prettier when speckled with freshly fallen snow. Even when the winter air is too crisp to bare I sit inside Mrs. Willow's class and watch them through the windows. I catch myself daydreaming when a bluebird lands on the windowsill. I often wonder why some bluebirds linger long enough to feel their habitat freeze over. If I were a bird I'd be long gone to some tropic paradise, but I'm not a bird and thus I'm stuck here, book in hand but eyes always somewhere in the distance.

"Jeremiah? Have you completed chapter 4 of your reading assignment. The Great Gatsby won't read itself." I look up at Mrs. Willow and then down at my book again.

"I was just birdwatching, you know me." The teacher pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose and looks down at her laptop.

"I'd suggest you read unless you'd rather go other places." These other places she refers to are the office or out to the hallway for a brief one on one, neither of which are of interest to me.

I begin to read momentarily but as words begin to shift around on the pages I find myself looking toward the trees to distract myself. "Ok we need to go talk. Hallway, now." Groaning I zip up my red bookbag and find my way to the exit.

"Ok, we can go about this one of two ways. One, I can call your mother for the third time this week, or two you can come in after school tomarrow for our friday evening tutoring sessions."

"What?! But I have a musical rehearsal at 6 on friday!" I can feel my face glowing red.

"It only runs till about 5 which should leave you plenty of time to get ready for rehearsal." I grit my teeth using every ounce of my sheer willpower not to storm off in displeasure.

"Fine, just dont call my mom."

"Deal"

My blood boils at the thought of going into a tutoring session with all the smart entitled kids telling me what to do. I can already feel their judgement coming. I used to be one of those smart kids, I really did. I had a solid head on my shoulders and a near perfect gpa. Of course I had to go and ruin that within the matter of one semester. But hey, good things never stay around for very long in my life now do they? Nope. Not for me. Nothing good is ever for me.

Maybe this will turn out for the better. After all, I do need to make my grades if I still want a chance to go to a prestigious college. A boy can dream can't he? Honestly I don't know anymore, maybe I shouldn't dream, isn't that what got me in this predicament in the first place?

I walk back into class and slump into my seat imagining what it would be like to be a bluebird, wings spread wide, flying as high as my feathers could take me. Suddenly I feel every pound of my body weighing down against gravity. And second after second I begin to feel the weight of the world pulling down on me stronger than ever.

What is the purpose of my existence on this planet and why can't I just know and pursue it? Every day I see people laughing, smiling, and existing like how you see in the movies. But not me. After all I'm nothing like a bluebird, so I tuck away my wings and wait hoping that someday soon the storm will pass. And when it does. Please leave me unscathed. I don't know how much more of this I can take.