Khumo: the arranged wedding

THIRTY-THREE

        KHUMO MORAPEDI-KHOZA

I was at a new club in Braamfontein, having drinks. At least no one knew me here. I could drink all I want. My phone has been ringing ever since I left Zakhele at the hotel. I put it on silent and continued to enjoy my wine. Minutes later I saw someone standing in front of me, I looked up but I didn't know the person. “Can I help you sir?”
“I was hoping to join you, if you don't mind.”
“I'm a married woman.”
“I just want to sit, you don't have to talk to me.”
“Okay fine, you can sit. Don't annoy me though.”
“I promise.”
I remembered that Zakhele once have me his card to spoil myself, I looked at Mr stranger and he looked like he was going through the most as well, I cleared my throat and coughed. He turned and looked at me. “Would you like a drink, it's on me?”
“If it's on you, I'll take it.”
We ordered a bottle of whiskey and some cigars, I hope he knows how to smoke the cigars. We looked at each other and laughed holding the cigars.
“Do you know how to light this thing?”
He had a nice laugh, “I thought you knew how.”
“What's your name? I can't keep on calling you Mr stranger..”
“Raphael Khoza..”
I couldn't believe it. Another Khoza? “I'm Khumo Khoza.”
“Nice to meet you Mrs Khoza.”

An hour later I laughed at a drunk Raphael. He was trying to teach me how to dance but he was such a bad dancer. “Just stop it Raphael, you can't dance.”
“How about you show me how to dance then?”
“I'm not going to embarass myself. I know that I can't dance.”
He pulled me up and I landed on his chest, we stared at one another for a while but I quickly stopped us from doing anything we would regret the next day. “I think it's time I head home now, I had fun thanks.”
“Thanks for the expensive whiskey and cigars we didn't smoke or drink.”
“Whatever!”
I waited for a few minutes before the ride I requested arrived. I paid for our drinks then left.
I thought I was okay but finding Zandile and my husband in his office made me mad. I was willing to let go of the jewelry issue and just move past that issue.. but seeing them just made me realise that I'm not okay. These two lied to me. I was a fool and they played me well. They didn't know each other from the club only, they've seen each other naked. I wiped my tears while looking at the pictures of me and Zandile. She was busy asking me about trust because she knew what she did, now it made sense why she always wanted to know about my relationship with Zakhele.
The car stopped moving, I looked out the window and realised that I was home, I paid him without looking how much I was giving him.
“Excuse me ma'am, you paid double.”
“Oh, sorry I forgot.” I took the money and opened the small gate. I noticed that there was another car I was not familiar with, I asked Jack who the car belongs to but he shrugged his shoulders.
I walked in and Phiwokuhle, was cooking in the kitchen. “Hey Phiwo.”
“Hey, my brother was looking for you.”
“Is he here?”
“No, we spoke on the phone.”
“I see. There's a car outside, who does it belong to?”
“It belongs to...” before she could finish her sentence, Zakhele’s Mom came down the stairs holding a glass of water.
“Makoti wami!”
“Hello mummy, I didn't know you're coming.”
“I had a meeting this side and decided to come and see my children. Unjani ngani yami?”
“I'm okay mummy.”
“Your eyes tell a different story, you look like someone who was crying.”
“Me? I'm really okay.”
“You know you can talk to me about anything, if it's that son of mine tell me so that I can deal with him!”
“Are you sleeping over?”
“Yes.”
“I'll go and fix the room you'll be sleeping in.” I went up the stairs to our room and locked myself in.

             KENEILWE MORAPEDI

I had on two thick blankets but I still shivered. I have not had my fix and my body was not used to it. I had to stop myself from calling Carlos every time. I didn't have the strength to go through what I went through. I don't know what coke he gave me to sniff on that day, I had so many blanks in my mind that needed to be filled. It's as if my own brain was trying to block some certain information from me. No matter how hard I tried to recall what happened, I became blank.
I also hate that I enjoyed the pain I went through. It's as if my body was meant to get bruises. Just when I think I'm about to heal, something else happens. Sooner or later my body will give up on me.

The door opened and Motlalepula came in holding a tray. “I brought you to eat, your body needs the strength.”
“I'm not hungry mama.”
“Look at you Punkie, you have lost so much weight! You look older than your actual age. It's as if you've been on some drugs. What's going on?”
“I'm fine, I'm just not hungry.”
“Well I'm not leaving this room until you eat and drink something?”
“Mama!”
“Do you want me to treat you like a newborn baby and feed you instead? I really don't mind.”
“I'll eat later then.”
“Now, eat now.”
I drank the ginger tea and had a few spoons of the sour porridge. “Mama, I'll eat later I want to sleep now.”

Once she left, I locked the door and sat on the floor with tears streaming down my face. Looking at myself on the mirror I couldn't recognise the person looking back at me. I looked as if I have been through world war II. My body was covered in bruises. I took out my makeup bag and took out the sachet that had rainbow pills and a broken mirror. I can't live like this anymore.
I crawled to my study desk and took my phone to send Khumo a message;

I don't know how to say I'm sorry. All these past years, I spent them trying to compete with you. I was so jealous of you not realising that I was ruining myself in the process.
I know saying I'm sorry will not erase all the pain I have cause but I hope one day you do. I now realise how much you have loved me.. I miss you so much and you're still alive.
I have done so many bad things that I can't take back. I don't recognise myself when I look in the mirror, this is not me. I'm tired of living the way I am. This is not how one should live.
I'm always in constant fear of what will happen to you if I go back on my promises. I just want you to be happy, you deserve to be happy. Don't cry a lot for me, you did that while I was still alive. Let me be free. I love you so much ausi waka, I wish I could have shown you how much I love you while I still had the opportunity. Now I'm saying goodbye, don't feel bad. Kea go rata.. love and kisses, Punkie...

Tears were flowing and I pressed send...
I swallowed ten rainbow pills, then made cuts on my wrists. I made deep cuts and I felt nothing.. I was so numb, the pills made me very numb. I felt my chest tighten. I couldn't breathe well, I wiped my nose and I saw blood. Dark red blood! I noticed that my curtain and windows were open, I struggled to get up to close them but I staggered around, fell and hit my hard on something...

        KHUMO MORAPEDI-KHOZA

Once I was done putting clean bedding in the room my mother-in-law would sleep in, I went back to our room and looked for a suitcase. I didn't have time to pack, I shoved my clothes in. I don't want Zakhele to find me here. I took my bag that had my school books in, I checked my bank balance and I had enough to check into a hotel but, Zakhele will trace me easily if I use my bank card or his. Come on think Khumo, think... I paced around then called Evelyn. It went straight to voicemail. I tried her again, come on please answer! She did.
“Hello Khumo.”
“Hey, did I wake you up?”
“Thank God you did, I fell asleep while cooking.. do you need something?”
“A big favour.”
“I'm listening.”
“I know what I'm about to ask is a lot but I wouldn't ask if I was not desperate.”
“Okay?”
“Can you please book in at a hotel for two days, I'll repay you.”
“Why can't you do it yourself?”
“I don't want to be found, I just need a place to stay at.”
“What's going on Khumo?”
“Are you going to help me or not?”
“It's late now Khumo, my parents are not home. I'll send you my pin so  you can come here instead. We'll deal with the hotel issue tomorrow.”
“Okay, thank you a lot..” once I had hung up, I noticed that I had a message from Keneilwe, I shook my head and went to the bathroom to wash my face.. I looked at the message and put my phone in my hand bag, I'll read it later.

I pulled my luggage down the stairs and Zakhele’s mother and sister looked at me.
“Makoti where are you going at this time?”
I wiped my tears, “mummy I'm sorry that you got here and I'm leaving. I have to go.”
“Uyaphi Khumo?”
“Phiwokuhle, I have to leave now.”
“Kodwa makoti, it's late now why are you leaving, what happened?”
“Mah, my Uber ride is here, I have to leave.” I picked up my luggage and went out. Jack tried to help me with my luggage but I refused.
“Ma'am, let me help you.”
“No thanks, I'm good Jack. I'm fine.”
“I'll take you where you have to be..”
“I said I'm fine! Don't you dare try and follow me as well.”
I looked at the house one more time then left.