"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man." Friedrich Nietzsche
A cup of coffee in his hand, looking into his backyard, Hotch was glad the night was over. He had gone through a variety of nightmares, none of them particularly comfortable. From himself being too late to the explosion, from Alex not making it, to him being unable to protect the people of his team, it all had played out in his head. If it wasn't a Saturday, he might have attempted to talk to Dave. But even that seemed like a stretch, and he usually kept stuff like this to himself. Which had brought him to his early morning misery right now. How was he supposed to handle everything at once? His team, job, his son, a life? Hotch wanted to, that he was sure of. Despite the chaos of the last days, he realized he wanted something more. He wanted to feel like he had when her body had rested on his last night, wanted to feel like he did whenever Alex had smiled at him like no one else was in the room. But could he? Ever since the divorce, Hotch wasn't too sure he would even be handle to have it all. And what if he would only hurt Alex in the process? What if he couldn't give what she without a doubt deserved?
Hotch took a sip of his coffee, staring into the bushes he had wanted to cut for weeks. He didn't know how to do any of it, he realized. And that scared him, too.
"Daddy?" a voice behind him asked, and he turned to see Jack standing at the door to the porch.
"Hey buddy," he smiled as he tapped over to him. "How did you sleep?"
Jack shrugged, letting Hotch pull him into a hug.
"Are we gonna see the puppy today?" he asked, his eyes big. Smiling back, Hotch nodded.
"Yes, but only if you eat your breakfast."
Jack nodded enthusiastically and walked back inside. "You too, Dad!"
Chuckling, Hotch finished his coffee and stood up. None of his problems had solved itself, he realized. How disappointing.
****
Emily, JJ by her side, walked into the gym, both of them a far cry from feeling good. The blonde, apparently glad to have lived through another explosion, had insisted on another round of beer and tequila after most of the team had already left. Not that it hadn't been fun. It was just painful now, the pounding headache not even surrendering to aspirin. The coffee in her hand was starting to help, the brunette realized, taking another sip.
"I'm always kind of afraid of teenagers," Emily mumbled, and JJ made an agreeing sound. The two walked up to Alex, who was holding a giant puppy in her arms.
"Good morning you two," it came from her, and Emily didn't miss the wink in her direction about how they turned up here. "You want to say hi to Brutus?"
The brunette took Alex in, the still raspy voice, the suspicious long sleeves, the shadows under her eyes. There is no way she slept well last night, she thought to herself. But despite it all, she was smiling. Or at least trying to.
"You called him Brutus?" JJ asked, patting the dog. The other blonde shrugged.
"He's supposed to bust some drug rings in his future, I thought it would be fitting," she gave back, finally setting him down, "But right now, he is helping with training. It helps calm down some of the girls."
All of them knew what this meant, and Emily slowly nodded. "Where are Morgan and Reid?"
Snorting, Alex gestured towards the mat wagon.
"Hiding. One girl asked Morgan if he was a bouncer from a club, and I've never seen him this hurt."
Emily rolled his eyes, standing on her tiptoes to look for her colleagues.
YOU ARE READING
And If I Fall, Let Me Part I: At Your Service - A. Hotchner x OC & Jemily
Fanfiction"Look who the cat dragged in," she directed at Hotch, smirking. To her surprise, Emily watched as her boss' lip twitched in what was suspiciously close to a smile. Now that was unusual. She had never seen that woman before. "Surprised they let you w...
