"Time and tide wait for no man." Geoffrey Chaucer
With coffee, phone, and keys in hand, Alex opened the car for him, her lips in a thin line. Her blonde hair was pulled into a high ponytail, her burgundy blouse looking a lot more wrinkled than in the morning. Morning. That breakfast felt like it had been days ago. But he had to admit, the day had managed to supersede what had overrun him this morning in her house. If that was good or bad was up for debate. The expression on her face made him lean towards bad.
Pulling out of the garage, his team on their tail, Alex huffed when she saw the traffic in front of her.
"Come on," she muttered darkly. Leaning against the headrest, Alex started to rub her own neck with one hand.
"Are you okay?" Hotch asked, his eyes on her. Throwing him a quick look, she let out a hmpf.
"I take that as a no," he tried, sighing. When she didn't respond, Hotch decided to wake the sleeping dog. "Alex, I'm sorry about questioning you about Katie. I didn't know your reasoning, and I overstepped."
The car had to stop again, giving her the chance to give him a slightly longer look. He tried his best to withstand the intensity. Huffing, Alex looked back onto the road. For a few seconds, she stayed quiet.
"You managed to find the one thing I completely fail at, so yeah, I'm pissed at you," Alex broke it. Humming, he looked at her again.
"No matter what I have suggested, I don't think I would call it a failure," Hotch gave back. Another stop and the blonde turned to him, her face twisted in a slightly annoyed expression.
"No? Her father tried shooting her mom. My sister, Aaron, and I wasn't even in the country. Charlotte is dying of cancer, her ex is in jail, and if she doesn't make it, Katie is left with me. I'm incapable of raising her, none of my relationships lasts because-...it's a fucking mess. I would, respectively, call it a failure to park a teenager who's been through that next to a room with crime pictures," Alex, her voice growing quieter. Her shoulders slumped, her anger seemingly leaving her body. Judging from the way she stared at the road, it was replaced by exhaustion. The short silence that settled between them was only interrupted by a random honk behind them.
"I'm not drawing comparisons right now, but you know what happened to Haley after we got a divorce?" Hotch asked, his own heart-clenching, as it always did when he thought about it.
"I do," she said quietly, her eyes wandering over his face. Nodding, he took a deep breath.
"The reaper killed her because of me. There is no way around it. And every morning, I look at my son, and I think I got his mother killed. I raise Jack in between serial killers, rapists, and the worst kind of criminals, and all I can do to shield him is to put on a smile when I play with him and try to be a good dad," he let out, his voice raw. He heard her inhale sharply and turned to see her blink a few times.
"Aaron, I-," Alex said, but he interrupted her.
"I don't say this because I'm looking for sympathy, Alex," Hotch said softly, giving her a rough smile. "I have no right to judge what you do. I was mad at something else, and...whenever I'm around you, I tend to be a bit more impulsive than I usually am. So please, if anything, Katie has a great aunt who watches out for her, despite the crime photos on the wall. I'm sorry."
There was a shaky exhale from her, looking at the road again.
"How do you do it then? With Jack?" Alex asked.
Good question, he thought to himself.
"I try my best, and hope it will be enough," he said, looking down at his hands, "But isn't that all you can do anyway?"
YOU ARE READING
And If I Fall, Let Me Part I: At Your Service - A. Hotchner x OC & Jemily
Fanfiction"Look who the cat dragged in," she directed at Hotch, smirking. To her surprise, Emily watched as her boss' lip twitched in what was suspiciously close to a smile. Now that was unusual. She had never seen that woman before. "Surprised they let you w...
