Commander, Soldier, Spy (Erwin X Reader)

Chapter 52- Behind the Mask

The next few hours went by in a blur. I felt numb all over. Apart from the throbbing pain in my shoulder from where Reiner had grabbed me. Pieck had called my parents to come and pick me up and they took me home my mother sitting in the back of the car with me as my father drove.

She held my head in her arms as if I was a baby and stroked my hair from my face over and over again. Soothing my shaky breaths

"Everything is going to be okay." She spoke softly her voice as smooth as caramel. She always knew the right thing to say and that's why I was so glad to have her as a parent.

But she wasn't really my parent. And that's what upset me more than anything. I wasn't really her child just one she looked after.

"Mum...Do you...love me?" I asked my words catching in my throat almost choking me.

"Of course I do darling. You're my daughter how could I not love you?" She responded "and your father loves you too don't you Henry."

"Of course. You're the best daughter anyone could wish for." My dad continued focusing on the road and I decided to save the discussion for when we arrived home. My eyes fluttered closed but my mother shook me gently.

"Don't fall asleep now. We're home already." She smiled stroking my cheek and I sat up.

We all got out of the car my father going around to the boot and taking out my luggage.

"Seems like they weren't expecting me back at the dorms anytime soon."

"You need rest. You've been through a lot and they want to make sure you've got people who can care for you somewhere other than the medical ward." My father reassured me, lugging the bag in through the door. I followed closing it behind me.

"Come on now sweetheart. Up to bed. We both know you're tired." My mother placed her hand on the small of my back and guided me up the stairs and into my bedroom.

It was freshly redecorated. A large box in the corner appeared to hold most of my childhood.

"Y-you ...repainted it." I said as she pulled back the covers on the bed and I slipped under them.

"Well yes. When Zeke told us you were going to be coming home a couple months ago we figured we probably should just in case. He did say you'd probably have some sort of injury so we tried to prepare for the worst." My mother smiled softly sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"What...How did..he..." I was puzzled

"What's the matter darling?" She asked.

"It's nothing.... It's just...you're sure it was a couple months ago he told you?"

"Yes I'm sure. We wouldn't have had the time to sort it all out if not. Is something wrong?"

"No....no not at all." I pushed the thoughts from my mind. I didn't want to think about Zeke but something was telling me Erwin wasn't the one to blame for the MP's coming after me.

After all he and Stefan had both sworn blind that they didn't hand me in. Maybe I should have believed them. But even if I had I doubt the MP's would have let me live for it.

"Right. How about we talk about why Pieck called us so frantically? She said something about you attacking someone?"

I huffed remembering how Zeke had tormented me.
"How about we talk about how you've lied to me about who I am my entire life."

"What?"

"You call me daughter but I'm not your daughter. My mother abandoned me and you never cared enough to try and find her." I began to sob.

"Oh...my dear girl" my mother pulled me into her chest. Her heart was thumping loudly.

"Why mum?! Why didn't you tell me!" I wailed letting out the anguish I felt at last.

"Eleanor?" My father called out hearing my wails. "Is everything okay?" His footsteps thundered up the stairs and into my room.

"Y/n... You have to understand that it was never that we didn't care. To us you are our daughter. Our gift from God. Our miracle. We didn't want to give that up and we still don't.." She rubbed my back trying to soothe me once again.

"But why didn't you find her...help her..." I pulled away from her and she looked at me with pleading eyes before speaking.

"We tried...but we could never get access to the records. From what we gathered she fled the internment zone just a few days after you were born and well..." She paused and sighed before continuing. "... People outside of there don't generally make it very far."

"So you did know I was Eldian then?" I rolled my eyes

"We weren't 100% sure. And we didn't mind either way. Your mother she... It was so hard for both of us trying to conceive. Failing time after time. And just when we had given up all hope of ever being parents there you were. A tiny bundle of joy on our doorstep." My dad's eyes welled with tears of joy remembering the story.

"I don't think I've ever seen a storm so vicious as the one that night. The thunder had you wailing and screaming the place down. We would never have known you were out there otherwise. We brought you in and no more than 10 minutes after we did the storm cleared up. We felt like it had to be fate and so we gave you a name and a home and the life we think your birth mother would have wanted." He placed a hand on my healthy shoulder squeezing gently.

"I doubt she wanted me to be a child soldier." I scoffed shrugging him off.

"Oh please. Give us a break y/n! We did it so that you might find out something we couldn't." My mother called out.

"Well I only just found out and now I don't feel like I should even still be here." I slumped down in my bed.

There was a moment of silence. I could sense my parents sadness thinking they've lost their precious daughter.

"I...I just need some time is all... I'm sorry" I mumbled pulling the covers up around me.

"We're always here to talk. Let us know if you need anything okay?" My mother pecked my forehead which I wiped away with my arm pretending to be outraged that she even dare do such a thing. In reality I was grateful. I felt so loved and cared for.

My dad put his arm around my mother shoulders hugging her close as they left my room closing the door behind them as they did so.

They might not be my birth parents but they were still my mum and dad and nothing would ever change that. They tried to give me the life my mother wanted for me and in doing so I found out things about myself. I couldn't blame them for that.

I laid down on back and turned my head the side. Looking out the window. The sky was a vibrant blue and there was barely a cloud in it.

I wondered what his eyes were looking at in that moment. What chaos had I left behind? My heart pulled itself apart in my chest it's splinters piercing every vein they could find. I screamed silently into my duvet my tears leaving burning hot trails down my stone cold cheeks.

'I still care about you. But I don't regret my choice. I hope one day you can forgive me for the choices I made. But understand that I had no other option.' I thought to myself planning a conversation in my head like always.

"I still love you, Erwin Smith."