Children of Night and Snow

60. The Merciless Teacher

"Az, I have no idea how I'm supposed to reach all these in less than five months," I sighed, feeling utterly hopeless. The sheet in my hand was full of warrior charts and numbers, showing the ideal requirements for us to pass if we wanted to succeed in the test in June. It included all kinds of things such as speed and weight lifting limits as well as long distance runs and so forth. And while I didn't have any idea what my current stats were, I was pretty sure they weren't anywhere near what this thing asked.

"Show me," he reached out his hand to take the piece of paper from me. I bit my lip nervously as I watched him scan the thing top to bottom. Would he give up once he saw it? Tell me it's pointless to even try? He gave it a whole two minutes before he crumpled the paper in his hand and skillfully threw it straight in the bin.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, but he didn't seem to care as he walked past me and climbed straight into the boxing ring. He woke me up extra early today and made me go run before breakfast, which I was not happy about at all, but I didn't dare object. Now we were alone in one of the smaller gyms. Just the two of us. Others wanted to come along, but he literally locked the door in their faces and said that I won't come in contact with anyone but him for at least next two months as far as training went. Nolan tried to protest naturally, but it was pointless. Az made up his mind and that was it.

"These aren't requirements, they are suggestions. It's a sheet of attributes those who pass generally have. But passing these guarantees you nothing," he said void of any emotion. He looked kind of scary this way. Reminded me of how intimidated I felt the day we returned after the All Souls celebration to find him and Aaron at home. But back then he didn't speak. It took months before I got to hear his voice. A deep, husky voice which he used so scarcely. All five men in our group had deep voices but in different ways. Nolan's was more growly. Harsher, like his temper. Az kept to himself, very much like Devan or Aaron and their voices reflected it. But there was something else when it came to twins. They didn't show it often, but there was an authority to their voices. You couldn't hear it as much as you could feel it. It sent shivers down your spine and made you think twice before protesting.

"Then why give them to us?" I ask. He reached out his hand towards me, a silent offering, and I took it, letting him pull me into the ring with him. He didn't have to give me a command, I was used to the routine with Nolan by now, so without a second thought, I took my stance and began to focus on the fight despite our ongoing conversation. I would lie if I said I wasn't nervous. I struggled against Nolan as it was. Only very small victories here and there. I seriously doubted I would be able to do any better against Az.

"To check the box that says they tried? What do I know? And it's not like you'd meet these requirements anyway," he shrugged as he blocked my punch with ease. I felt the bones in my arm vibrate from the impact, something I was used to by now. These men really were built like damn mountains.

"Thanks, so how will I pass?" I asked, growing impatient. I tried to land another two punches and a kick, but it was absolutely useless. And he didn't even try to attack yet. As if he was trying to prove the very point he just made. If I was that weak, why even bother? Why make such a ridiculous promise in Duskfall?

"Easy. You'll cheat it," he said like it was the most obvious thing in the World.

"That's ridiculous. What kind of army accepts a cheater?" I was growing frustrated. My short fuse once again reminded me that I was really bad at keeping my own emotions in check when things weren't going my way. Which neither this fight nor the conversation were.

"This one," he finally attacked. Blocking my latest attempt at hitting him in the jaw, he grabbed my arm and before I knew it, my back was towards him, with my arm painfully twisted behind my back as he breathed on my neck, "because really, by cheating and betraying your opponents is the only way to pass," he smirked. I could tell he did without even looking at him. He found it amusing. Whether it was my struggle against him or the news he just shared, I didn't know. I didn't want to know.

"Cute, but aiming for my crotch in this position will get you nowhere but your grave," he whispered to my ear. I was now on the brink of tears, trying to wiggle out of his unnecessary long grasp. Nolan would have let me go and accept my defeat by now. But Az seemed to have a different plan. He was holding me tight, leaving me no option but to either suffer or find a way to get out myself.

"What should I do then?" It took more precious painful seconds for me to swallow my pride and ask him this question. I was angry with him now. He was clearly taunting me and I hated it. All I wanted was to get out of his grasp so that I could slap him.

"Surprise me," he said, clearly still amused.

"Fuck you, Az!" I hissed angrily.

"You could, but Nolan wouldn't like that," he kept provoking me. I felt like screaming at him. Was this whole thing a joke to him? I didn't know who I was angry with more. Him for being a jerk or myself for being so pathetic. I didn't land a single punch, but he grabbed me once and here I was, completely screwed.

"Freya, I was serious. Surprise me," he repeated, this time his tone was serious. It wasn't a taunt, but an order. I wanted to curse him out again, because I was too riled up to think straight at that point, but once again, there was that something, the strange feeling that urged me to just do what he said. It wasn't fear. It was something else. But it did its job, because the next thing I decided to do was to step on his foot with all my might. When he inevitably reacted, I wiggled out of his grasp and hit him in the stomach with my free elbow causing him to stagger just enough to regain my footing and turn to face him. I was livid, so without thinking, I decided to use my momentum and slap him, but I wasn't fast enough and he caught my hand.

"Jerk," I said, getting even angrier now that I saw him so unphased by what I just did. He was outright mocking me. And I was so powerless, I had nothing in my arsenal to stop him.

"You need to reign in your temper," he said stone cold and he released my wrist.

"I don't have to do shit for you if you treat me like garbage!" I snapped at him and tried to slap him once again, with the exact same result. It was an idiotic move, but I was simply too angry to care.

"Not for me. For yourself. Swear at me all you want, but you let your temper take over out there during the test and you won't even get exiled, because you'll be dead long before the finish line," he said and my blood froze. There was no anger or amusement in his words. He was eerily calm and detached. Like every single emotion left him in a blink of an eye. A silent example for me to follow.

His words were a haunting reality check. I had gotten better at managing myself since I came to the Winterlands thanks to multiple things. Gaining control of my wolf side had a big impact, but so did the fear and uncertainty I lived in. When you have to wonder every day if you'll live long enough to wake up tomorrow, if the people who took you in won't change their mind once you show them your ugly side, it puts things into perspective. But now we were here and for the most part we were all in an equally uncertain place. Not to mention we grew much closer over the past few months and with trust coming in, my defense walls began to crumble. And now I've lost control in a way I didn't since the day I attacked Lilian back in Moonvalley.

Az let go of my hand once again and I took a defeated step back. He was right, I let anger cloud my judgement. I got stuck in his hold for way too long and when I did break free, I completely wasted my momentum on a stupid move which gained me no advantage. If it weren't him, but an actual enemy, I would now be dead. My anger left me and shame took over instead.