Children of Night and Snow

49. The Girl Who Chose To Stay

Two days went by and it became more and more obvious that things were not how they were supposed to be in Duskfall. Whatever took place in the town while we were hiding away in our shelter was not an ordinary uprising and its aftermath left us all with knowledge that we were in danger and couldn't stay. Devan and Connor went outside once to check the situation only to come back with a conclusion that rogues were roaming free around the city and they couldn't risk crossing into rich parts of town to check the situation there. While none of us said it out loud since Az and I returned two days ago, we had to leave. And the sooner we did, the better. But where would we even go? Where could we go? I didn't know.

"You should be safe to shift by tomorrow," Demi said when she checked my arm that morning and I was thankful for werewolf healing abilities as well as her skills with that stuff.

"Good, we need to leave before it becomes impossible," Aaron commented. He was standing next to Az, who once again returned to his silent lifestyle. Him and I haven't even looked at each other since we came back here and I wasn't sure how I felt about the whole thing. It wasn't his fault. If anything he saved us out there because he did kill nine people compared to my one accidental murder. But I also couldn't help myself but to see the scene right in front of my eyes wherever I even looked at him.

"Where do we go?" I asked, my voice almost a whisper. Things were happening so fast. I was still coming to terms with the fact that my life has completely changed again. I looked around me to see Nolan approach me and take my hands.

"Freya, sweetheart I think you should go back home," he said, looking into my eyes.

"Home? What do you mean? Our home just burnt down," I replied, confused at his words. Clearly I wasn't the only one because when I looked around, others seemed taken aback as well.

"No, I mean your original home. Down South," he said. It took me a moment to process what he said, but when I did, my mind went into panic mode once again. Were they leaving me? Was I losing everyone I held dear again? Was I being exiled and sent on a deadly journey all alone again? I felt sharp pain in my heart and breathing got heavy, tears stung my eyes. This couldn't be happening. Not again. Not when I finally found a place I could call home. Not when I got a new family, a second chance.

"No," I heard a voice behind me. I knew that voice. That authority. Az.

"You don't get a say in that! Not after what you put her through! She almost fucking died the last time you thought it was a great idea to bring her along. This won't be any different! She won't make it there!" Nolan yelled at him, his anger so clear it was almost visible.

"I agree with Az," Devan stepped in and others nodded.

"Are you all insane?! We will be lucky if we pass those tests, how do you think she's gonna do it?!" Nolan hissed at all of them.

"I'll train her," Az responded like it was the most logical thing. I just sat there confused. I had no idea what they were talking about. Other than it involved me yet I wasn't part of the discussion.

"What if she fails? What if she can't get in? What then?" Nolan was not letting go.

"She won't," Az stood his ground.

"Like she didn't fail out there?!" Nolan snapped back. I could tell there was something in Az' eyes, a hint of guilt maybe? Either way I was getting fed up. I wasn't going to let them decide my fate without me. Especially not like this. When I let others decide seven months ago, it cost me everything. And I wasn't going to let it happen again.

"Enough, both of you," I stood up with courage I didn't know I possessed. Everyone looked at me like they only just realized I was still there. Or like they didn't expect I had anything to say to this.

"Where are you all going? And why shouldn't I go? Nolan only two days ago I remember you telling me you need me, so why are you sending me away? Would you come with me if I went?" I laid my questions at them, demanding answers.

"I do need you, Freya. But I'd rather you be alive and happy somewhere than miserable or worse where I'm going," he tried to convince me but I looked at Devan demanding answers to my remaining questions.

"We're going to Midnight City." Aaron said. Unless you found a mate there, the only way to join another settlement was to join military strongholds. Devan told me this, what seemed like a lifetime ago during our dance at the Winter Solstice celebration. Of course with their physical training, going to the army was probably the only place they could go.

"Freya, it's not easy to join the army. There are exams and tests you need to pass. You are strong, you've done nearly the impossible over the past half a year, but this would be going against people who train the majority of their lives for this. If you lose, you'll be cast out. And Midnight City isn't exactly close. If you come with us, going back isn't an option. You'll either make it or die in the snow," Nolan kept pleading with me.

"I said I'll train her. She'll make it," Az hissed. He was angry now, which surprised me.

"You can go back now. You are much stronger than you were when you came here. Crossing the Wastes will be easy with supplies. And they won't be able to stop you if you come back. I bet you'd even make a case and convince them that you deserve to stay," Nolan ignored Az' words and kept looking at me. The next thing I knew Az crossed the room in a speed of light and pushed Nolan against the wall.

"I said-" he began again, his hands in fists, ready to punch Nolan. I couldn't watch this and neither could the others because they all jumped in holding the two apart.

"And I said stop," I interrupted Az and placed myself between the two of them.

"This is my decision to make. You don't get to make it for me. I'm not letting that happen ever again," I gave Nolan a pointed look. He must have realized what I meant because he swallowed whatever he was going to say and looked down. He knew my past more than anyone. He knew I was robbed of my choice once. And now he tried to do the same thing.

"You said you can train me? That I can make it?" I turned to Az, who calmed down a little in the meantime. He met my eyes and nodded. Which was what I needed to know. I saw him fight a few days ago and spar with his brother countless times before, I knew what he was capable of.

But in the end the question was what I really wanted. Nolan was right in one thing. I could probably return to Summerlands now. It would be almost too easy. I could settle elsewhere, start over and make a life for myself. Or I could try to go back to Moonvalley. Challenge their rules. With who I was now, I'd likely win. I would get to travel the Southern shores, read all those books I left behind, and finish school. I'd get to hug my parents again, see Olivia and Sheyla. I could fix what I've broken. And if I faced that choice three days ago, I probably would've listened to Nolan. I would've gone back and tried to move forward with my past.

But things changed when I took the life of another wolf. No matter how much I hated her. There was blood on my hands now and it would never wash away. I was too far gone, the girl from Moonvalley nothing but a memory now. Her name right on my tongue yet I was unable to say it out loud. And the girl I was now? Freya? She didn't belong there. She had her family here.

"Good, I'll need it, because I'm coming with you," I told Az and everyone else in the room. Nolan only gave me a defeated look. Him and I weren't done discussing this, but for now it had to wait.