Dear Sim Jaeyun ⚊ Letter Series #3 ✔

note five

Dear Diary,

Today I was pulled into the hospital once again and my two week stay there will start which mean I would soon... you know leave.

And into the months I hadn't written here, I got closer to him through the tutoring sessions. And I never expected for him to like me back, and yet we both know we have to say goodbye.

Although because he was leaving for South Korea, not because he knew I would soon be gone in this world.

I had to be put in way earlier than I had to since the other aftereffects of such a disease is spreading now to my lungs - a vital organ that helped us breath easily.

The airways had clogged somehow. I think it was combination of mucus and blood. It was causing me to not to able to inhale and exhale properly.

Thankfully, by the time last strike attacked, he's already off by now in another country. If Jake stayed here and I keep hiding it from him, keep trying to be normal, then I would probably be dead by now.

I have two tubes connected to my nostrils and while I was spending my last days, I missed those memories. It seems like so long ago but it's quite recent.

After that day, when Jake said bye to me in the library, I ended up hanging with my family. We watched the stars from the same beach where the lighthouse reminded me of him. They even read me a story about the boy who loved the moon so much, he came with him one day and had never been seen again from then on.

They didn't let me eat anything sweet either for three days.

Yesterday, we watched the stars again up the rooftop in this hospital. This time, the moon was out. A full moon that illuminated the dark night sky, as well as the stars that lit up the small parts of their own spot.

I remember a conversation from that day with my mom.

"Will you never let him know yourself?"

"Who?"

"The boy named Jake you talked about"

"What's the point? He's not here anyway"

"Because no matter how you try to deny it, I know deep inside, in the coldest part of your heart that is slowly dying to be graced with his warmth like the sun that he is in your life"

"Even if for the last time"

The doctors said my health was continuesly getting worse. They told my parents that I should have plenty of rest before the day my body eventually gives up on me. He said the only thing I could do now is write.

I can't even open my mouth now that was already beginning to dry and become pale, one of the signs.

But besides that, I wrote to my mom not to tell my friends or else, I would die sooner if they cried on me and begged me to stay. But the thing is, even if I want to, I can't, it's already the time for me to go.

Death is inevitable and I should be scared about, but I don't.

If anything, I was happy to receive it because at least the Lord up there heard my wish before I finally take his hand.

He granted me my wish of being happy if even for a short time that felt like a million years with him.

With Sim Jaeyun.

And my last wish was for him to always remember me even if I'm already gone.

Could that happen? Could it really happen?

Sincerely Yours,
Y/N L/N