Dear Sim Jaeyun ⚊ Letter Series #3 ✔

letter one

Dear Sim Jaeyun,

My mother always told me not to fall with someone way out of my league. They will either usually don't notice you or you don't belong to their world, she says.

Not once did I betray my mom's words, and now I have because of you.

I can't believe I'm writing about you and I hate that all my hiding had led into this.

Unfortunately, due to you being one of the most popular boy in our school, I can't speak to you about my friends, for if I do, they will not hesitate to tell me that I am one of the person you'd be the last to notice.

So here I am, writing to you in a page of my diary, like I was hoping it could answer to me like Tom Riddle from the Harry Potter series that I heard was your favorite.

And especially since I'm a girl who never talks in class but have a gossiping friends, telling them would be a disaster.

Yes, I'm too afraid to be laughed about by our classmates and I simply don't have the guts to walk up to you in order to confess like what the other girlds would do.

You clearly have no problem with it but to me, I could not imagine hearing you those friendly words of rejection and telling me that I should be your friend instead.

How could you be a friend to someone whose the very exact existence strikes you impactfully by simply walking the school halls with his beautiful smile?

Many girls in our school were hurt at the time they found out you will soon leave for SoKor but to me I see it as a form of letting go of my feelings for you if you were already gone to pursue your dreams.

Of coure, it's a most unlikely assumption of me to think that you were not content in your life. How can you not be?

You have a completely family, you're rich and you were so talented and active in school, it's hard not to keep the eyes away from you, so I must say you're privelege with a face to be proud for, but are you really happy?

But no, you aren't.

I see the way you look at the others whenever they talked about their dad getting home. I could tell you were sadden by the fact your own never stays and that you were used to people leaving, so you always clung to your friends dearly, hoping they would not do the same.

I am not one to say that you shouldn't be sad, it doesn't suit you but assuming won't hurt especially since you won't ever see this letters from an invisible girl.

Either way, I hope you stop pretending that you were okay when it's not and all the smiles were sometimes fake after people asking if you were okay whenever they saw you spacing out of nowhere.

You're sad and lonely inside, Jake and I know you can't admit it, in the hopes of not wanting to affect anyone but yourself.

You were that kind in the face of reality.

I might as well say why I liked you because this whole entire time I have hidden my feelings over my shy heart. Not to brag or anything but at least you can notice me whenever the top of classes is announced and I'm always ahead of you in the list.

That's not the point, I like your looks at first, you looked quite nice and clean, and your smell was so strong like a breeze of the ocean wind in summer time as if I could fall asleep because of it.

So yes it was most basedly on looks and smell until the day I realized you were something more.

But then I could see that someone amazing like you could never be mine.

So why did I still like you? And why do I still admire you from afar, like a girl waiting for the fantasy to become a reality?

I ask myself those questions for every day.

Maybe it's the way your eyes sometimes wander into my seat, and when I try to search for the same emotions I felt, then you will quickly break your stare like you're scared I will find it.

And I know it's there somewhere, one day I will find it in those fleeting seconds of bliss of you looking at my way.

Besides your eyes, maybe it's your hair that I love because I'd like to wrap my finger around your soft locks. The way you let that one girl tousle your hair when you were trying to take a nap makes my heart.

Why do you let her touch it, Jake? Is it because she's in your league?

I'm sorry I'm not rich and confident like her, or even pretty to face you freely without worrying that I would look like a freaking maid in your side.

I'm sorry I like you, I knew if you found out how I feel about you, you would just reject me kindly or worse, you would try to avoid me at all cost.

And maybe that should happen, maybe it'll make me stop from liking you. I want you to keep on hurting me, until I give on you, Sim Jaeyun, because I'm tired of secretly liking you.

I'm tired of this feelings. I really am.

Sincerely yours,
Y/N L/N