Lost love **

23

"are you sure your okay?" Taylor asked and in the moment all Shawn could do was shrug. Was he okay? Or was he going to breakdown at any given second? "Yes...no... Maybe" Shawn took a seat, placing his face in-between his hands "I don't know..I honestly don't know"

"It's okay" Taylor said giving Shawn a gental touch on the shoulder "you don't have to identify your feelings right away just remember that you have other options besides drinking or pills"

"Yeah I know, Im just kinda off..you know?" Shawn tried to explain but in the end really couldn't "like it's not surprising but it is, I really thought we were going somewhere and now I just feel kinda..numb, but hey maybe I did over react.."

"Taylor? Did I overreact?"

"I don't think so but before you found out did you question her loyalty?"

"No, but we were together a lot"

"Well when you weren't, were you scared she was going to leave?"

"At the beginning yes, but not anymore"

"What made it so upsetting? Was it because she was talking to her ex or was it because you didn't know?"

"Mainly because I didn't know"

"Was she secretive about her phone?"

"No, but I also rarely had it, I know she follows a few of my fans and news about what happened got out so I didn't want to risk seeing anything but she left her phone unlocked and everything"

"So the unknown bothered you?"

"Kinda, the lies and the secretiveness to it. She had told me she cut him off"

...

Brian: hey man. I know we haven't talked for a long time and I know what I did was wrong. I shouldnt have made a move on alessia until I knew for sure you guys were over. I was givin the wrong information but nonetheless I should've asked you and just not have dated her at all. I met a new girl and we're in a really good plac I'm hoping you'll respond to this so we can catch up and we get be friends again

Shawn: thank you. I really appreciate the apologize and yeah I'd love to hang out. Kinda need some friends right now

Brian: things didn't work out?

Shawn: it's complicated but enough about my love life. Who is this new lady?

Brian: her name is Meghan and she's so amazing dude. I really can't wait to catch up and just tell you about her

Shawn: same dude. I'm really excited to catch up on life. Im going a little insane without you

...

It had been about a few days since the whole thing happened and camila has tried to contact Shawn but he said he needed more time. Which is understandable, she hurt him, a lot.

In those times Shawn was trying to decide if he should talk to her and completely end things and be platonic friends or get professional help, while Shawn was doing that camila had already gotten professional help for herself.

They had just addressed a very serious topic to which the therapist had told camila that she seemed to be obsessed with having a safety net. The first thing they talked about was if camila loved Shawn or Matthew. It was an immediate Shawn, no questions or hesitate whatsoever. She expressed that although she doesn't love Matthew she will be thankful for the life lessons their relationship taught her but then the harder one came. If she loves Shawn so much than why does she keeps hurting him? How come she's hurting the one she loves most and that where the obsession with having a safety net comes in place.

To which her therapist explained that years ago when they're were together they were each other but then they broke up and she found someone new and he became hers and while she found someone new shawn never got one back so he relied on pills and alcohol and everything but it still didn't make sense on why she kept hurting him.

"You keep hurting him, to protect yourself"

"I don't want to protect me, I want to protect him"

"Than you need to end whatever connection you have with your ex, it's toxic"

"How-"

"It's toxic because no matter how many times he leaves you or you leave him. You run back to him because he's familiar, just like how you run back to Shawn. They're familiar to you, there your safety net, Shawn is more of a permit one tho, he puts you above himself"

"So what your saying is in order to stop hurting him, I need to find myself?"

"Not exactly find yourself but gain control again"

...

"I've been thinking the last few days and If we keep going at this rate than we're just going to become a broken record. Were fine until we aren't" Shawn said with tears I'm his eyes "I really love you,I really really fucking do"

"I love you too" camila said her voice cracking with emotions

"And I'm sure you're the person I want to marry but I can't keep doing this. Im so fucking..."

"Exhausted?" Camila asked and Shawn chuckled

"Yeah... but I don't want to just give up, we've fought to hard to end here. So if you're willing to fight"

"I'll do it"

"You know what I'm going to say?"

"Yeah I got a new therapist and she actually knows your"

"Oh"

"I just need to say one thing I'm sorry for hurting you and I know once I apologize I need to let it go. I need to forgive myself but I just needed to say that before I start over"

"It's okay, I truly mean that. It's all in the past we're starting clean. We're going to ride the wave and whatever happens, happens. No rushing, no denying. With the help of some therapy and really connecting again I think we'll be okay"

"Yeah..we will"

Posting again bc Wattpad is actually up