if i can't have you || rini au

57. nothing to regret

nini laid back on her bed in silence, hugging her pillows close to her chest as she tried to sleep but she couldn't...every time she closed her eyes, she'd see ricky's face. his face full of heartbreak and hurt because of what she told him.

and she hated herself for being the one to make him feel like this.

but this situation she was in? it sucked. she detested having to be in the middle and out of any sort of options.

when nini heard a light knock at her door, kept her eyes on the comforter and mumbled "i'm asleep!"

when the door opened to reveal erica, she had a little smile on her face and said "little tip: when someone's actually asleep they don't actually say that they are."

nini brought the pillow closer to her body and returned her gaze back down, erica frowning

"so...i take it things didn't go well with ricky." erica sighed, arriving towards the bed to sit down

"oh no, it went splendid." nini sarcastically replied before sighing "what gave it away?"

"well, he sort of told me a few minutes ago." erica told her niece

nini sat up hesitantly, leaning her back against the headboard as she continued to hug her pillow and leaned her chin on it "...why did you bring him aunt erica?"

erica exhaled heavily "i'm just a sucker for romance." she grinned, but it faded when she saw that nini's composure stayed the same "i don't know. i guess i wanted you both to have no regrets of how you end your story."

nini felt her eyes sting and she shakily shook her head "didn't work."

"honey, you have a choice to go to him-"

"no i don't." nini interrupted her shortly before letting out a bitter laugh "i don't have a choice to do anything in my life, aunt erica! it's always been that way ever since i was born!"

"you came to salt lake city on your own." erica reminded her in the same calm voice "that was your choice?"

nini sighed, looking down "yeah but who are we kidding? my mother knew exactly what she was doing by making me think i was in control of my life, when really i'm not. i'm fit for being queen. not being a normal, regular eighteen year old girl who goes to high school and parties with her friends. i don't get to choose where i go, what i do or-" nini stopped and swallowed, feeling the lump in her throat form "or who i can love."

erica's frown deepened, looking at nini in sorrow "you didn't tell him."

nini quickly wiped the tear that fell from her eye off of her cheek, exhaling slowly and shaking her head "i can't."

"nini-"

"i'm scared." nini whispered quietly, looking up at her aunt as she let out an uncontrollable sob "i'm terrified of continuing my life without him around."

erica let out a short breath, feeling every ounce of pain for the brunette girl as she leaned forward and placed her hand in nini's.

"it's scary. being in love with someone." she said soothingly "love is a big thing. at any age. and i know that you're afraid of this, and everything that's ready for you. but don't let that ruin how you want to end things with ricky."

nini stared back at her aunt, slowly nodding silently before erica pulled her hand away after squeezing nini's comfortingly a few times

"you don't want to go on in your life with this burden of thoughts and feelings." erica added "okay?"

another nod came from nini as she sniffled and wiped her tears, watching erica walk back towards the bedroom door and opening it before she stopped and turned back around to face the girl

"west wing, bedroom beside mine." erica told her "that's where he's staying for the night before our flight tomorrow morning."

nini stayed silent once again, watching as her aunt left the room, staying seated on her bed with her pillow against her chest before she took a deep breath.

she nervously got up off of the bed, making her way towards her bedroom door and closing her eyes for a couple seconds until she was ready, soon opening the door but she saw the curly-haired boy stumble forward at the lack of balance, his arm up in the air in a knocking position as they looked at each other.