dead wrong (l.h)

'suddenly you're back'

chapter seven
luke

8:45 AM
Friday, September 10

The buzzing and blaring of my morning alarm shook me awake and, although I first groaned out in annoyance, once the morning air hit me my irritated scowl turned into something much more pleasant. A smile found its way to my face as glimpses of the night before started to swirl around in my head. 

Once I had gotten home last night, it had taken me nearly three full hours to stop thinking about every small detail of the reunion that had taken place between myself and Evelyn. I had replayed every word that was spoken a dozen times, I thought into every tone of voice Evelyn had produced, and I had come to the conclusion that the night had gone well. It hadn't been free of error, but of all the things that could have happened, I knew it had come to a pleasant close. What that meant, exactly, I wasn't sure. It could have gone perfectly and still meant nothing at all, but I yearned for it to mean anything.

All I could think about was seeing her again.

I had tried to tell myself there was no use getting myself wrapped up in the events of last night, just in case things didn't work out in my favor and she decided she didn't want to see me again, but by the end of everything, I hardly could believe that would be the case. Which had everything to do with the fact that she had let me hug her at the end of the night.

Not only did she let me hug her, but she also held onto me as if I was something she had misplaced for a long time. She held onto me like she had been wanting to for a long time. I knew it was a bad idea to get wrapped up in it, but it was like heaven being in her arms. I knew I had missed her, but the weight of it all still hadn't quite hit me until we were holding each other.

I cringed at the thought of Evelyn being completely unbothered by any of what happened last night; rather, instead just laying in her bed unphased. I wondered how she had felt after we left one another. I also wondered what her report back to Calum had been. Did she tell him about all the times that I made her laugh? Did she let him know I asked about him? Did they stay up for hours picking me apart, or evaluating every word that had been said?

Did they even discuss it?

I let out a huff as my thoughts became too frazzled and thought that a morning scroll through Twitter might ease my headache.

Instead of going directly to Twitter, however, I first found a notification for a text from Evelyn awaiting me. My heart dropped as I hovered my finger over the notification, feeling worried. She had sent it an hour after I had fallen asleep the night before. I gulped down my anxiety before unlocking my phone and seeing that the message from her was nearing novel status. The sight caused my heart to pound. I prepared myself for the worst, expecting an explanation of how although the night had gone fine, she didn't want anything to do with me.

I began reading.

Evie

Hey Luke. I haven't been able to
subside my surprise in response to
tonight. The last thing I was expecting
was to have a genuinely good time...
no offense. I had started to dread seeing
you, but the second you walked in an
entirely new emotion showed up. I still
haven't been able to pinpoint what exactly
seeing you made me feel. But pushing
that to the side, I just wanted to say
thank you for not weaseling your way
back in without good reason. I had been
worried that you had called me up and
said all the right things just to disappoint
me once we saw each other, but I couldn't
have been more wrong. I can't express
how much it hurt to slowly lose sight of
the Luke that I had grown so accustomed
to. That version of you disappearing is
something that haunts my thoughts to this
day, but you sat down tonight and it was as
though you hadn't been gone for a second.
It was scary for you to feel so familiar, but
it was also a weight off my shoulders. I
have spent so many hours wondering how
I could have caused you to change so
severely but... suddenly you're back. And
I'm glad that person is back because he's
one of my favorite people, but... you're
not one of my favorite people anymore.
And that's something that I have to take
seriously. It's not that you can never be
him again, but for right now it's important
that I take whatever this is slowly. Letting
you back in without a lengthy trial is out of
the question. Our breakup caused a lot of
cracks and it's possible they can be repaired,
but I'm not interested in some cruddy
patchwork. I want real healing. And that
can't happen unless we do this the correct
way. That being said, it's not like I've ever
done this so who even knows if there is a
correct way... okay I've officially run out of
energy and all the things I've wanted to get
across in this text are probably convoluted.
I hope you can make sense of this. I've
missed you, I've missed us, but that doesn't
mean we can just suddenly happen again.
I'm happy you're in a better place and that
you've been able to find yourself again, but
you're not free of consequences. And you've
still got one party left to make things right
with. I'd like to invite you over for drinks
this weekend. I know you probably have
work... but just let me know? We'll plan
something. It was good to see you, Luke.