The Thought Of You | ✎ on going

04

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☆ AUSTIN ☆

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Trauma.

Everyone has it weather they like to admit it or not. It's just buried deep in their past, secrets and stories they wish to never speak of again.

Trauma stays with you. You close your eyes and think about it. Your body doesn't know how to face it, and you sure as hell don't know how to get passed it.

The only way trauma is ever overcome is to forget it.

To forget what someone had done to you.
To forget what you did to yourself.
To forget how much you could've done differently.

Forgetting is hard. You can't forget someone unless you have a very serious case of amnesia or you simply didn't care enough about something to remember.

But when you dwell on your trauma, consume it and swallow every pill that you were forced to put down. You can't forget it.

But why forget when you can seek revenge?.

Revenge tasted sweet on a sour tongue.

My revenge was the sound of his nose cracking under my fist.

The more I swung the more hits I got. He couldn't land A punch, I wouldn't let him ever land one again.

I couldn't seek revenge in middle school, but it was different now.

I was known. I had people by my side.

I was Austin. Fucking. Fray.

I was built from the ground up with trauma encased in every brick of my body,
I wasn't scared anymore.

Just simply vengeful.

....

"You broke his nose and he's missing a good damn front tooth!" Josh said proudly, as he threw his arm around my shoulder roughing up my hair.

"Yeah yeah whatever." I rolled my eyes, leaning against the cafeteria table with a sly grin.

"For someone who had just been suspended for two days you seem pretty proud of yourself." Collin said, as he continued playing some ice cream making game on his laptop.

"Live a little." Josh said, slamming Collins open computer shut. He frowned at the now closed screen, his eyes shifting to someone he definitely shouldn't be looking at.

"I'm gonna go get some food from the vending machine, you guys want?" Josh said, pushing himself up from the cafeteria bench.

"Nah I'm good." I shook my head.

"Omg how sweet of you Joshy pooh!, I'll have three packs of gummy worms, make it sour, two bags of baked potato chips, and one very very crunchy chocolate bar."

Josh rolled his eyes, sticking his middle finger up in the air at Collin as he made his way out of the cafeteria.

The chatter of students filled the silence that followed us. A loud laugh coming from a table a few feet away from us.