The Thought Of You | ✎ on going

03

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♡ALINA♡

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Back at home I hardly had friends. Sure I had people I could call every once in a blue moon, Or people who wish me happy birthday from time to time. But I don't think I've ever had someone be one hundred percent there for me, other then my mother.

She was my number one supporter.
She was my biggest fan, And she never left my side during any of the phases I went through.

She was all I had.

The sky looks prettier now when I picture my mom painting it. Every light shade of pink or every star that glistens a little brighter then the rest, always make me believe she's sending me a kiss from away.

I get signs every once in a while. From a random thing that is way to specific to be a coincidence, or a dream that felt a little too real to just be an imagination.

I want to know that she's okay.
And more specifically, I want to be there for her even after this lifetime.

I know it's not possible, and people really don't know what's on the other side. But even just to say goodbye properly or hold her hand once more, would be all I ask for.

But instead here I am.

Not walking into the gates of heaven, but more like the gates of hell.

First days are never fun, especially when you know absolutely no one.

People like to label you, talk about things you will never understand, and make you feel like you have just travelled from an undiscovered planet only you know about.

I've only been new to a school before once in my life, and may I tell you, worst experience ever.

Guys looked at me like fresh meat, girls looked at you like an ugly creature spawned from Mars.

Their was never an in between.

I'm hoping this year is different.

Letting out a groan, I look up into the sky watching as a singular streak of blush pink peaks through the clouds.

Maybe that was mom giving me a kiss.

Maybe, just maybe she's wishing me good luck from above.

I look back down at my feet, continuing to walk up the steps and into the school ground. The big doors shutting behind me at the front entrance as my strides stay small.

Transferring to a school mid October was like hoping for a death wish. It's better to go unnoticed then being noticed at all.

Five minutes into entering the school my plan of being unnoticed was thrown away.

It was crinkled like a piece of paper thousands of times, stepped on and run over so much the plan wasn't even visible anymore.

When you're from Canada, spirit week isn't a huge event everyone participates in. It's more like an ordinary day that just so happens to be a day you can dress up and not be judged.