Epilogue: Eternal Happiness

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Home Amidst the Desolations of Travels

I remembered that day all so vividly well.

It was a fitting ending--one that had no room for any other else, an ending for a woman who never knew how to pursue happiness that as thus--I could only remember her lying there on the dirty-soiled ground tainted with her own gray-coloured blood, my hands shaking furiously after I had used every bit of my energy to push the dagger forward. I could feel her flesh opening up, I could feel her racing heartbeat that gradually slowed as I watched her body hit the ground.

There was an explosion, a bright dome of light engulfing the entire land that forced us all to close our eyes. The soil trembled as though it was being split in halves--it did, like what left of Magnus itself was sinking. My ears were ringing, like a tidal of muffled noises all making their way to my ears. I couldn't register what it was, or what was happening anymore with the dusts particles building like a sandstorm around.

I could have sworn it was still so early in the morning, but with how bright that explosion was, one could say it had been like looking at an afternoon sky. Everything was spinning, or perhaps it was just my head being all dizzy. There were voices I felt like calling for me, but I couldn't recognize nor pinpoint where they were coming from. All I could feel next was a sharp pain in my abdomen, my back eventually meeting the rocky surface of the floor behind.

It felt hot, my skin was burning at the touch of it--finally noticing the burned soil along with half of my arm barely even intact, the skin almost peeled off by the intensity of the heat coming from the surroundings. The pain was numbing, but it was there, the pain clawing through my flesh. By the time I had looked up, there was a gun pointed right at my forehead, the barrel sticking dangerously close to my skin.

I couldn't understand what she was saying with the ringing still buzzing near my ears, but the sight of that short white hair fluttering almost beautifully against the cinders that was dancing through the air--perhaps if I had the ability to sense emotions, I could have had seen her anger before she was able to tackle me. But I got a feeling that even if I could have done just that, I would have still let her.

Was that guilt? That kind of feeling that bugs the deepest part of my mind, telling me the mistake of what I had done. But that shouldn't be it either, because a huge part of me would still say what I did was the right thing to do. I had sacrificed many things--I killed my own mother twice without much of a hesitation. At that moment, I just knew I had to do it and I did, I stabbed her the same way I had watched the Caelesti from my time crumble to death.

It was never all for her contrary to what I kept deluding others with. It was all for me, I couldn't accept how my life had gone that when Athanasía presented a way, I immediately took her offer even knowing she was just using me all along. My friends--the only family I knew--hated my ways. I, too, am angry at myself at the fact that I just couldn't accept things the way they were supposed to go.

Why couldn't I accept it? Because a part of me longed for something warm, something that would take away this heart-wrenching guilt the first I had taken my mother's life--and I had to do it twice. I knew it would be all worth it, but as the woman in front of me threatened to pull her trigger, threatened to bury the last of her energy bullet inside my head--I wondered if something would indeed change.

The world is clean, I could tell so because even the nether energy in my body had completely disappeared, replaced by a small amount of pure essence that remained intact within me. The world will no longer crumble into destruction, but at what cost? She knew she would die, and she went on with it without letting anything hold her back. Perhaps we were the same in that aspect, to get unnecessarily stubborn in moments we believe would be necessary.

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