suck my dick (jihan smvt)

35.

present time

jisoo cleared his throat "hey han, not like i care or anything but i've been meaning to ask you something" he said

jeonghan raised his eyebrows "yes?" he asked and turned to see him

the younger continued "it's just a question because- i mean, we've both clearly gone through some messed up shit so i was like- curious or whatever and i totally understand if you don't really want to answer because it's-"

"oh my fucking god, just ask the question you twat" jeonghan said playfully and then chuckled

jisoo rolled his eyes before pressing his lips together and looking away avoiding eye contact "do you- were you-" he took a deep nervous breath "i'm sorry if it's an insensitive question but- have you been- abused? like- sexually" he nearly whispered the last part

the older chuckled "that's what you were so nervous to ask?" he asked and clicked his tongue thinking "yes, you could say that" he said

jisoo didn't say anything so he continued "several times actually, my first sexual experience for example, i've mentioned it before actually, the one i told you was with a girl, some homophobes drugged me and well, did it to me so i could 'become straight' by the time they did it i was awake but still not conscious enough so i could defend myself, conscious enough to remember though, the rest of the times were all for different reasons and situations, that's probably why i'm so hypersexual" jeonghan said unbotheredly "why do you ask?"

jisoo felt his stomach drop still avoiding eye contact "how can you tell it so normally? isn't it triggering?" he asked with a gulp and concerned expression

the other shrugged "i guess not, it's always been quite normal to me, i don't know why i'm telling you but since you're literally the only person i've ever been close to- whatever, i always have visions of those times, they're so normal to me it doesn't affect me, it never has really, i guess i just don't feel much" he said

jisoo hummed not knowing what to say "so, why do you ask?" jeonghan asked again

the younger clicked his tongue still bummed out at the heavy story the other had just told him "i don't know, i guess i was just curious" he said

"well, if your question was if i've ever been raped well yes, a couple of times, if you mean like any type of sexual abuse, then i can't really count them" jeonghan said

jisoo furrowed his eyebrows "what do you mean any type of sexual abuse?" he asked confusedly

the older furrowed his eyebrows "i mean any other type of sexual abuse, you know, not just rape" he said obviously and turning to look at him

the younger was still confused "but- there's no other type" he said

jeonghan sat up to look at him better "jisoo, do you really think rape is the only type of sexual abuse?" he asked

the other's expression changed to a thinking one and then shrugged "is this a prank? are you fucking with me?" he asked with a confused expression again

the older stared at him incredously "jisoo, any type of sexual activity that was done without you consenting is sexual abuse, how did you not know that?" he asked

jisoo stared at him for a few seconds processing the information before saying "oh" understanding and thinking "oh" he said once the realization hit him and made an expression jeonghan had never seen him do before, a betrayal kind

"oh" the other said realizing too "shit, i'm sorry- i- i mean it's not a big deal for me, i don't even remember the last time i cried because of my feelings but i'm not an asshole, i know for some other people it's quite serious" he said awkwardly as he stared at him kind of sadly