Milked

Skylar | make regrets.

It was Wednesday, and something was definitely up with Meg. She'd spent the night away on Tuesday, which was very unlike her, as (like me) she didn't have many, if any, friends, and she was a prude.

So when she came home, and I sat in the kitchen doing my artist management homework, I asked her, "Did you stay the night with Richard?"

She nodded, and so I said, "You didn't have sex with him, did you?"

"I let him play with my boobs! Are you happy?"

Why would I be happy about her sexual choices? It was her life, not mine. I felt like she was trying to make me feel guilty, because it was very obvious that she regretted doing it. I tried to turn off the small amount of empathy I had, but I couldn't, and I could feel her regret, hard. But I wasn't going to let her put that on me. I wasn't going to let myself continue to empathize with her and feel the way she was feeling. So I congratulated her, hoping she would get over it, that she would realize that humans are sexual beings and we need to fulfill our urges every once in a while, and she wasn't going to go to Hell for getting sexual, even if she did it with some skeezy, rich lawyer. I even said something pretty bogus, about how she was more of a woman. I didn't really think that; I just knew Meg valued her femininity. It was my stupid attempt to make her feel better, and it was a failed attempt.

Later, on campus, I found Loren. He'd texted me, asking if I wanted to sit with him during our lunch break. What could I make of it? On one of my shoulders was the part of my conscience that was saying, too close, back away. But the guy on the other shoulder said, Skylar, it's just lunch and studying. And you need more friends. If Loren gets weird, you'll set him straight.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey."

"How's Phil?"

"He's fine. He gave me an internship at his work."

"Oh?"

"Yep."

"Cool."

Things were definitely awkward. Maybe he still felt hurt by my reaction to his attempts at Cups. A change of topic was in order, so I told him, "I'm worried about Meg. She let the guy she's seeing through Make Arrangements play with her tits, and now she's been moping around like the world is ending."

"She did that with that guy?"

"You say 'that guy' like you know him."

He gave me a knowing look. "I had the pleasure of meeting two of his sons when I was out with her one night last week. They were... nice. Anyways, she told me she was going to stop seeing him."

"Welp, she definitely hasn't stopped seeing him. And she told me the only reason she did that was because she had already kissed him."

"What kind of logic is that?"

"Irrational logic, but I guess I can see how it would work for Meg."

"How?"

"Well," I leaned back in my chair, trying to get comfortable. "Meg is super prude. She's some crazy kind of Christian. I don't even think she thinks kissing is okay. I've never talked to her about it, but that's my assumption. Anyways, I'm guessing she thought since she already went so far with him, going further wouldn't make any difference. That's like a phenomenon, you know."

"Never heard of it."

"Well it doesn't have an official name. But it happens when you're already in so deep so you keep going deeper. Like when an alcoholic takes one sip and so they've already 'relapsed' and see no point in stopping and they down a whole bottle. Or when someone wants to commit suicide and since they're already going to Hell for it, they take some acquaintances with them. Or when half the world is waiting for the rapture, so they don't they see any point in reducing our carbon footprint or in even acknowledging the damage we're doing."