Chapter 52 - Bittersweet

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Anastasya

The days following the Scouts' success in Orvud District had been full of activity for Anya, despite her having been told again by the doctor that she needed bedrest. Thanks to all of the fighting and travelling she'd done, she'd set her recovery back by at least a week, if not more, and she'd been less than impressed with the verdict. However she had continued to push herself, eking out the very last drops of energy she had left, much to Levi's frustration. She'd had reports to write, meetings to attend, plans to formulate, and she'd had to be there for her squad to help them come to terms with everything that had happened. Perhaps most pressing of all, she'd had to work hard to raise Historia's profile as quickly as possible to ensure that the public didn't reject her as queen. Then there were all of the preparations for the coronation, for Dhalis Zachary and his advisors had had no idea whatsoever as to how to organise such an event. By the time it took place, Anya was about ready to drop but it seemed as though her work, for the time being, was done. She and Levi stood amongst the enormous crowd, watching as Erwin, Pyxis, Zachary, and the other leading military figures stood upon the wooden platform with Historia. As the crown touched her golden hair, they knelt and bowed their heads as one, and the crowd erupted into cheers and applause. As Historia stood strong and proud above her people, she caught Anya's eye and nodded.
"You two are becoming thick as thieves," Levi murmured.
Anya glanced at him, arching an eyebrow.
"Becoming?"
"Tch."
At last a great hush fell, the people hungry to hear what their new queen had to say. She began to recite the carefully-composed words that she, Anya and a number of others had deliberated over for many nights. Once Historia had finished the crowd roared its approval, and she descended from the platform to make her way to the royal palace, surrounded by an entourage of government officials and soldiers. Once the streets began to clear, Squad Anvi made their way to the palace too, buoyed by the celebratory mood in the air. Anya smiled as the recruits teased each other and messed around, and she heard Levi tsk beside her.
"What?"
"You really are going soft," he said dryly, though there was a glint of amusement in his stormy-grey eyes.
Jean yelled as Conny said something to wind him up, dancing out of the way of a smack.
"Oi, stop squabbling!" she called. "Or no party for you."
They froze and sheepishly looked back at her.
"Yes, Captain!"
She directed her attention to Levi again.
"Soft, you say?"
"Honestly, it's like having kids," he grumbled.
"I don't think anyone has to put up with seven at the same time."
"Lucky us."
"You'd be a good father."
She smirked as Levi's eyes widened and he choked in a breath.
"You haven't changed your mind, have you?" he managed to say.
"No. If anything, I'm even more convinced we made the right decision, after everything that's happened since that night."
She cast her mind back, remembering their conversation as clearly as though it'd taken place only yesterday.

***

Levi looked at Anya and raised the wine bottle. She nodded and he refilled their glasses, failing to do so much as flinch as another boom of thunder shook the windows of his room. She pulled the blanket closer, snuggling into it and watching as violet lightning bloomed across the ink-black sky.
"I love a good storm."
"A lot of women are afraid of them."
"I'm not like a lot of women," she replied, winking.
"No. I'm glad about that."
She chuckled.
"I think that's a compliment."
"Yeah."
"What's on your mind, hmm?"
He regarded her for a moment, and she spotted the uncertainty in his blue-grey eyes.
"A lot of women...want to start a family," he said slowly. "I've been wondering, recently, what you want."
She took a large sip of wine, then another, and then slowly placed the glass back on the table.
"I... I don't want kids, Levi. At least, not for the foreseeable future."
"Why not?"
His face was impossible to read so Anya ploughed on, praying she wasn't disappointing him. She chose her words carefully.
"I don't want to give up being a Scout... not while there's still so much we don't know, not while there are Titans that could destroy and devour everything and everyone in a heartbeat including one, or both, of us. Neither of us had terrific upbringings, to put it nicely, and I can't bring a life into this world knowing it could be orphaned like we were and given what we do, there's every possibility that that might happen as long as Titans exist. Plus, there's the food shortage, the overcrowding... It's not a world I would want for my child."
Levi shut his eyes and exhaled.
"Levi?"
He opened his eyes again and she saw...relief.
"I agree. For all of the same reasons as you."
The tension in her body fizzled away and she smiled. However her solace was bittersweet, and a question pawed at her heart.
"Would you want a family together, if things were different?"
"There's no point thinking about it until things change," he replied.
She'd seen the truth even though he'd chosen not to voice it. She raised her glass, waiting for the thunder to subside.
"Cheers to that."

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