Eliana (holocaust story)

Chapter 5

“I swear I’m not one of them.” Felix said, cupping my cheek, staring into my eyes. The mesmerizing green was hypnotic. I could easily get lost in his eyes. “I love you, Lena.”

“Eli, it’s time to wake up.” Tziporah shook me, rousing me from my heavy sleep.

I had been having the same type of dream the past couple days. It was Felix saying he wasn’t a Nazi and I had been wrong. I wished that could be true.

It had been two weeks since I had fled his house after seeing the uniform. The pain in my heart hadn’t dimmed. I hadn’t stopped thinking about him.

Was I obsessed? Probably. Did I care at this point? No.

I couldn’t get him out of my mind. I feared he’d never go away. Was it the same for him? I couldn’t be sure.

It’s funny how I didn’t know how much I loved him until recently, when I haven’t seen him. I missed his touch, his jokes, his smile and those unforgettable green eyes. I guess you never knew what you had until it’s gone.

Felix had tried to talk to Tziporah multiple times as well as David if he saw him in town. They both said he had looked less put together than normal. He was worried. They said I should talk to him one more time but they still had no idea as to whom he was.

Baba was still the only person who knew he was a Nazi. She was also encouraging me to eventually confront him about my discovery.  She still believed he and I could talk it out and make things work. I honestly didn’t see how that was possible if he would want me dead.

It didn’t sound like Felix was giving up as easily as I had hoped. That was my fault for not telling him why I didn’t want to see him anymore.

Guilt would sometimes consume me. I wouldn’t eat much and I would literally become sick. He was hurting and it was my fault, I wanted him to be okay.

 It concerned my parents but I tried my best to reassure them that I was fine.

I got up and quickly dressed, I had to go to school.

The snow had all melted now, making it much easier to walk with Shira, Levi and David. They weren’t complaining and whining as much because it wasn’t quite as icy and cold as before.

We all walked in silence, either too tired or lost in thought, to make a decent conversation.

Rumor was that the Gestapo were searching houses again for hiding fugitives. They had received suspicion reports that they needed to look into. David, Tziporah and I had seen them searching scattered houses around town. We feared they would search us and figure out who we were.

When we informed my mother and father, they had sounded only slightly concerned. Things like this have happened before and we have been fine. We were careful.

I wondered if Felix was helping search. Was he tearing through peoples homes? Was he interrogating and arresting suspected jews at this very moment?

Everyone in the house knew when Aunt Tovah found out because she lost it. She was sobbing, screaming at her husband that he should’ve found us another way out of Germany. She began trying to destroy any evidence of our religion, including the torah.

My father and uncle had to restrain her until she calmed down. She had fought hard enough that she wore herself out and fell asleep.

That had happened last night. Everyone was still shocked. I had known she’d lose it soon enough but I hadn’t expected her to even think about destroying the torah.