Something Beautiful

4•something innocent

There are many words to express the desire for isolation. Some filtered them through the language of respect, some quoted lines from literature and most just simply worded them with brutal honesty.

Umi was the same. She paraphrased, she respectfully declined and she glared. However, James, her optimistic nemesis, could not simply understand "I don't want to be friends with you."

"But you told me we're friends," James would argue the same. Unlike her, he didn't even bother to be creative with his pursuit of platonic relationships.

Umi would then recall the instances that she explicitly and willingly agreed to. She remembered no such thing. Like an endless loop of history, she found herself at the rooftop, rejecting another offer of lunch with a companion.

He pulled a piece of paper from his back pocket and read, "Brené Brown said connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship." He put it back and nodded. "I think she's right. You must not distance yourself from others."

"Lao Tzu, Moses, Nietzsche, Emerson, Woolf said otherwise. Stop devaluing solitude. Tiziano Terzani didn't talk to people at one point and he turned out fine. Stop forcing yourself to others."

"Niet-Tizi Teri-who?" James pursed his lips and frowned. "You're smart... that's unfair."

She did appreciate his new attempt to lure her out of her shell, but Umi was tired of dodging him. She was also tired of avoiding Ethan's stare every time she and James would have the same conversation.

"You have a lot of friends, why choose me for your charity case? Pauline, for example. I don't know if she's your friend, girlfriend or whatever, focus on what you have or else you'd lose them."

James remained smiling but the light did not reflect in his eyes. "Bro, I'll get some water." He said without looking at Ethan and left.

"That was crossing the line." Ethan didn't shout, but the words were colder and sharper that they choked Umi.

"What's wrong with what I said? Sooner or later, he'd be left alone. Then I'd laugh at him."

Umi flinched at his tight grip on her arm. She pushed him but it was no use.

"You don't know him! 'You don't know what he went through so you have no right to-!"

He must have read the panic on her face, as he let go and backed away. Umi nestled her arm, still stinging from his grip. It didn't matter if the fear of his touch was evident in his trembling hands. She smiled.

"You don't know me either." Then she laughed, mocking him, and probably herself as well, at the irony.

"I told you to be good to him. Hurt him one more time and-"

"-And what?? she asked. Her laughter subsided to giggles, faintly batting her lashes as she scanned him with malice. "Surprise me."

Ethan watched her still shaking hand, opposite to the daring words coming out of her mouth. His lips formed a thin line, yet his eyes spoke volumes of anger and burned her.

After the door slammed close and she was left alone, only then Umi melted to the floor and congratulated herself. "You did great, Umi. Well done."

__________________

In an afternoon still warm with an orange sky, Umi was surrounded by cliques. Some, like her, were waiting for the jeepney ride home. Some circled a food cart, laughing at their phones while piercing balls of flours. One of them was Pauline's. She said something, gestured a circle with a grin, while Ethan nodded. James no longer smiled in Umi's direction and replied to a question. Soon a black car pulled up.