La Da Dee // WNF

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐚𝐫 𝐩𝐭𝟏

GEORGES POV.

"Fuck it. Just fuck it man Why am I fucking here dude what am I waiting for? Some mircale to happen I've been waiting all my fucking life for a miracle,I can't do shit on my own. I'm either letting people down or getting let down, when will I get a fucking break... where even ARE my friends when I'm at my lowest? They all fucked off that's all they do is fuck off. They don't care if I'm slowing killing MYSLEF every fucking day with drugs? and whether I'm ostracising myself from them all?! until the day comes where I kill myself that's When they will love me that's the day they will finally post me on their story's and say "he meant the world to us it's going to be so hard without him" people will finally notice me and acknowledge everything I do and did."

a subtle smile lifts my face. the fantasy of killing myself comes across my mind at least six times a day.

deep in my own thought I completely forget where I am and what I'm doing. My hands, my hands are blurry? What the fuck.. I lift up my hands and stretch my shaking fingers apart to try and feel something. It feels fuzzy. My head is racing everything feels like it's going so quick. why is everything so loud I squint my eyes and slam my hands against my head it was a delayed reaction but it sent me to my knees then me screaming for everything to shut up.
People.
Cars.
Waves crashing?
I slowly start to recognise where I am.. I'm in the streets. In town. the lights flashing makes me want to throw up and the muffed side conversations make me feel disconnected from reality. I take a deep breath and sigh

If im gonna do it it's gotta be now. I won't remember. I can't remember..

I get myself to finally rise up from the cold concrete pathway  swaying from side to side my weak icy hands try their hardest to grasp onto the wall beside me and pull my body weight up. I grunt and rub my eyes starting to set off  and walk in at least a straight line.I'm going to find a place to kill myself and it's going to be tonight.

three minutes after stumbling on my feet and trying to regain focus I stop in my tracks to find a flashing sign that seemed to have caught my eye.
"𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐚𝐫"
I could go for something right now.
I still have all night anyway?

Fuck.

I think twice before giving in and fully walking into the bar slowly stumbling past security that are letting me in since I was very much of age. As I walk in loud noises give me a slap
in the face, I couldn't put together The conversations I was hearing, the clinks of glass behind me along with laughter and all kinds of paces of footsteps.

It's so loud it pains me.
Lets just get some shots so I can fuck off.

Scratching my back of my head I look in the distance to see a free seat at the flashing bar. No one seemed to be sitting at the seats anyway so I shrug and take the opportunity to make my way over there and sulk there. I stumble trying to get up on the stool any sudden movements makes my head bang and it hurts..
this really sucks but I gotta drain it down with something before it's all over. Well at-least I can spend all my cash since I'm not going to use it..

the waitress seems to have caught up that I was ready to order some drinks and struts towards me with a simple "hey can I get u anything tonight hun?" I avoid lifting my head up to look at her but didn't want to seem disrespectful.
"Yes please just uh. maybe um. Ten shots of tequila? If that's okay?"
I try to sound as polite as possible whilst ordering. I couldn't quite think of the most hardest liquor but tequila sounded fancy and I didn't care as long as it works

the waitresses face very clearly dropped when I said this I couldn't see her but her silence spoke volumes "u um yes sure dal.. is that all?"
she asks in a polite tone
"no thank u."
I respond back bland and emotionless I'm sorta just tired angry upset and numb all at once "I don't know how it works but it does,"I whisper to myself yawning and lifting my hand to hold the weight of my head.

until I hear?... something? I heard a voice . I didn't know that- that very moment was a new chapter in my life, a miracle. An Unexpected life plot twist even?

I hear singing behind me along with the sweet sound of acoustic guitar.
I twist my body backwards towards the stage squinting my eyes to try and put together the figure afar from me. My eyes regain a bit to focus, enough to figure out that the figure on stage was a well dressed, very handsome young man sitting on a what looks like a stool, strumming his guitar and singing into a mic lifted up on a stand. Wow he is very talented. the way his hair falls on his face looking like curtains on top of his glasses frame his hands co-ordinated and strong his body language seems genuine and warm.

my heart skips a beat

He he just looked at me.
Shit was I really staring for that long. I feel bad

Fuck look away. ...

Wait?.

Is he studying me too?..