Not Today Satan (Destiel AU)

A World Without Coffee

Castiel was rudely awakened by his brothers dumping the furry children on him with a rousing "GOOOOOOD MORNING VIETNAM", a tradition started by Satan when they had moved in together nearly 14 years ago. It was reserved for special occasions such as birthdays, April Fool's and the first day of school. Castiel, being the dignified and loving person he was, bitchslapped Gabriel and kicked Lucifer in the thigh, narrowly missing his intended target. The brothers giggled and skipped out of Castiel's bedroom that would be better described as a library

The man-child crawled out of his warm fluffy haven and shoved himself into the shower, shivering the the chilled stream because somebody had used up all the hot water. He cursed Gabriel when he slipped on the way out, and Lucifer when his shit wouldn't exit his ass (a/n: you know when that happens and youre just stuck there for like forever bc you feel it but like shits not coming out anyway nobody talks about it and it really annoys me so here).

The corduroy pants Castiel had on were warming him up, and he shoved on a blue-green sweater to speed up the process. 

Checking the time, he screeched and dashed out the door, hopping over the stripper shoe this time, much to the chagrin of Gabriel.

Making up for lost time, Castiel sped almost the entire 10 minute drive to the school. He climbed out of the Camry and ran to his room. It had been finished the Thursday before school started, and he had gone back on Saturday to ensure he had all that was needed. Suffice to say, Castiel was nervous.

Skidding into his room at 6:30 in the morning, a full 90 minutes before class started, Castiel slowed to check his hands.

fuck.

The prodigy had forgotten his life-blood, his love, his only need in life. 

Castiel had forgotten his coffee.

Gaping at his hands in shock, he fumbled to the desk and set down all of the bags and other possessions he carried. Unpacking his computer that he never figured out, the charger, and mouse, plugging them in without registering anything. Hanging the pastel Fjällräven Kånken bag on the hook under his desk with numb fingers. He sat down before registering he had to make it through a day at school without coffee. The first day. His first day teaching. His first day teaching at school without coffee. Fuck.

The next 45 minutes were filled with unrelenting thoughts of 'fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck' and 'gabesaidnolucesaidnogabesaidnolucesaidno'. The siblings thought this occurrence was hilarious, and refused to bring Castiel his coffee. Castiel, in his weakened state, had completely forgotten that all other sources of caffeine existed and that there was a coffee machine on school grounds, and a multitude of Starbucks surrounding the campus. He simply couldn't function.

Finally, Castiel registered that the clock read 7:20, meaning that he should open the classroom to his AP Lit first period. Just as he had opened the door, a tall man side-stepped Castiel's funky state, and took the front seat. The next wave of students consisted of a short red-head, a shorter red-head, and a stocky man, much taller than his counterparts. 

Briefly recalling that his first period has 13 kids, Castiel turned to look at the seating arrangements so far. If AP students stayed true to form, they would congregate in the mid-back and very front, which seemed to be the pattern so far. Surprisingly the trio had split themselves up, and the taller red-head was joined by a blonde mulleted man who left the stench of beer and bar nuts in his wake.