Breaking the rules ✓

37

Today is Ashley's funeral. It's unreal. It's awful.

I am sick at the thought of this day. I could cry right here, right now. I'm putting on the black dress that I would have worn for our date in spain. The dresses use has changed really fast.

Standing in my dressing room, looking at me through the big mirror. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Is what I hear him screaming from his own dressing room.

"What's wrong?" I ask him as I get into the room and see him with his back turned to me. "I can't tie this fucking necktie!" Walking over to him, I turn him around and then help him tie it up.

It's only been five days since we came back from spain. Mason just talked to me and Ben. Hasn't seen anyone else. And he thinks it's his fault because of what happened to her. He's scared the others think the same.

He hasn't told me that he thinks this way. But I know him. I know him without him having to say something.

Placing one hand on his chest and the other one on his cheek, I look up at him. He doesn't have any expression on his face. "Hey..." I'm already crying again.

"Stop it, angel." He is so closed off. It hurts so much to see him like this. "It's not your fault, Mason."
Mason grabs my hands and lets them fall to the sides of my body.

No. No. Please don't shut me out. Please...

"Oh but it is! I should have stayed with you and talked with you about the kid! But I was selfish and I involved her in our relationship!" "All of this isn't true. It's not your fault. But this is the last chance to say goodbye to her."

He just gets angrier at my words and now doesn't even look at me. "You don't get it right? There shouldn't be a reason to say goodbye. Because there shouldn't be a funeral and no fucking dead Ashley." "Mason.."

"Just leave it, Delilah. Leave me the fuck alone." He just leaves, slams the door.

I was driving to the location. Had to wipe the tears that blurred my vision over and over again because he didn't say anything. Slams the door... cries... but he just won't let me help him.

He even gets out of the car and walks away as soon as I have parked the car. Doesn't wait for me like he always does. Just isn't the same.

The first thing I did was looking for Lola and Fred. Of course they were standing in front of the coffin. Lola looks like she hasn't had sleep for days. They look devastated. We all do.

"Oh Delilah, baby!" She says as she sees me. I look around and then spot Emilia and Pablo with Mason. They took a flight here even tho it isn't good for their health.

"Hi Lola. I'm so sorry, Fred." They both hug me to them, trying to not squeeze my belly too hard. But they both don't last long in the hug, when Lola runs off with Fred right behind her.

Mason also isn't where he was moments ago. I'm leaving him alone and instead try to talk to everyone here. It's just the family. Mine and hers.

_______

Everyone was at their seats as some people say some last words about or for her. I'm now standing on the podium after Emily and Fred. And to be honest, I don't even know what to say. 

"I think that we all agree at the point where I say that Ashley was a really fucking special person. That's why everyone felt good to be around her and everyone liked her. Ashley was a person that always put the belongings of people around her before her own without any second thought.

Ashley was always a person I looked up to. Who amazed me. A person so young but saying things that you wouldn't believe you heard her say. She was so mature for her twenty years of age.

When we were younger, Ash always told me about her dreams. She had so many dreams. Have a family of her own at a young age. Go to college. And she did it. She always knew what she wanted.

She also told me that after she is finished with college, she wants to see so many different places on this earth. And I would have loved to do that with her.

Ash was my rock. My best friend. You could say she was my sister. A pretty amazing one. I am proud that I was able to experience a life with this woman in it. But it also is so hard to accept that my life will go on without her. That she won't meet Masons and my baby. That she never got her dream wedding she always told me about.

I hope she is okay up there and is watching all of us. I love you, Ash."

Walking down the podium, I take a last look at her coffin, where all the roses lay from the people that held a speech.

Mason was the next one. Got up from his seat, walked over with his rose in his hand but then suddenly stopped. He looked around the area, down at the rose and then up to me. "Fuck this shit." Is what he says as he slams the flower on the floor and runs off into the building with me right behind him.

He disappears in the men's restoom where I can already hear his loud sobs. I knock against the door but get no answer. "Mason?" Still no answer. "Mason I know you're in there." Still nothing. But I'm just walking into the room, hug him close to me.

He can push me away as much as he wants. I won't let go of him or will leave him deal with all of this on his own.

"Shhhh... it's okay..." Mason doesn't respond. He just grabs my neck and attacks me with a kiss as he places me on the counter. "What are you doing?" I ask him inbetween kisses.

He's still crying. "Please... I need to get my mind off of all this." Here? "Mason, I-"

"Please, angel.... Please." He stops kissing me and leans his head against mine, grabbing my neck even tighter. "Please..."

And then I just kiss him again. And we did get our minds off of everything...

___

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