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-', (chapter nineteen) ꒱ ↷🦋🥛
IT'S A LOT TO GET ALL DOLLED UP FOR THE DAY. Jimin would spend hours the night before debating his outfit for the next day, if he'd get all flamboyant or if he'd just keep it simple and lowkey.
Sometimes in the morning he just didn't feel like trying and so he went with a t-shirt and jeans, barefaced as he walked through campus to get to his classes.
And when he did get dressed up, with skirts and crop tops and stockings, makeup that made his face nearly perfect, without scars or blemishes.
But at the end of the day, they were still there. The imperfections that is. He would wipe off his concealer that hid the tired circles under his eyes and the soft blush that covered his otherwise fair cheeks.
At the end of the day, he was just Jimin and that wasn't always a bad thing. His identity was always changing and that's what made him one identity. The fact that he was never one thing.
People have always tried to put him in a box, tell him he was this or that, or whatever the fuck. Why does it matter? It felt like Jimin being himself was a bad thing sometimes, being loose and wild and lacking conformity.
On the other hand, Yoongi liked being able to categorize himself. He was a man, he was a straight man. Or was he? Not being able to categorize himself was frustrating. Was he bisexual? He's never been attracted to guys before. He's never looked at a guy who was objectively attractive and said "yeah, I would fuck".
Not until he started feeling something for Jimin. He's always been pretty, but it was far more than that. He was sweet, he seemed to be outgoing but was really timid as well. He had pretty eyes, pretty lips, pretty hips. He sat like a princess and that's who Yoongi saw him, like royalty.
Maybe Yoongi couldn't categorize himself yet, but in the midst of all this soul-searching, everything he thought he knew about himself being tossed out the window, he knew one thing certainly.
He liked Jimin. A lot actually.
And that's why he sat in bed in his dorm room, the only light in the room coming from the window where the moon shines full and bright in the dark sky. And his phone lighting up his face.
His roommate, Hoseok, was dead asleep, snoring away in his cozy bed without any thought of the turmoil going on in his roommate's head. They had become friends when they first met last year. Hoseok was loud, exuberant, lively. At times it could be annoying and at others, it could be just the boost Yoongi needed to get through the day.
He couldn't possibly imagine how that guy stays so disgustingly bright all the time. Yoongi figured he just might be perpetually high all the time. That's a valid conclusion to come to in his opinion. If Yoongi were to take a guess, he'd say coke.
Yoongi had been staring at his phone since he made his way through the door, kicked off his shoes, and climbed into bed after changing. He was debating whether to text or not. It was nearly midnight and it was more than likely Jimin was already asleep, exhausted by their day.
He could always text in the morning when Jimin would be awake. Maybe it would be better to do it now. Text Jimin and thank him for inviting him along with his friends. And if he said something stupid, he could always unsend the message.
Fuck, why was this so hard?
What would he even tell anyone if they asked about this sexuality? 'Yeah, I'm straight except when I'm with this one guy who I want to kiss. Like- really want to kiss. Who I regularly fantasize about kissing. But other than that, I'm as straight as a pencil.' Yeah, he would sound really fucking stupid.
This is why set categories for you are matter for Yoongi. It helps him understand things like boundaries, how to interact with people, what is and isn't okay to say.
Not only could he not categories himself into a filing cabinet in his mind, but he most certainly couldn't do that to Jimin. And in a lot of ways, he didn't want to. That would be a disservice, watering down all that made him pop and fizz like melting ice cubes in soda.
Jimin was a lot of question marks and confusing answers. Is he gay? Straight? Bi? Pan? Asexual? None and all. That was the answer and even then that wasn't exactly right. Was he a man, a woman? What pronouns did he have? All of them? None of them?
Yoongi was jealous of Jimin, how he was fine with not being able to check of certain boxes with confidence and ease as to who he was he preferred it. That was his identity, after all, not having one. But having all.
So Yoongi decided to send a quick message and then go to bed. No big deal really.
Me: Hey, it's Yoongi. I got your number from Eden. I just wanted to thank you for inviting me out tonight. Sleep well.
He turned off his phone and put it down under his pillow. The room was only illuminated by the moon to which Yoongi stared for a little while, and then he closed his eyes.
Jimin, however, couldn't sleep. He was too busy, laying in bed barefaced, only wearing a t-shirt and underwear under his blankets, thinking about his date tonight with Yoongi. He smiled until his cheeks hurt, giggling softly while he picked at the stray piece of thread that came from his comforter.
He wished he had gotten Yoongi's number. Maybe they could talk a little more, get to know each other better.
But his thoughts were interrupted by his phone lighting up beside him in the darkness of night. Jimin reached out and took it into his hands, unlocking it to see the message he got.
Unknown: Hey, it's Yoongi. I got your number from Eden. I just wanted to thank you for inviting me out tonight. Sleep well.
Jimin sat up abruptly, his eyes blown wide. What a fucking coincidence. He sat with his legs crossed, hunched over his phone as he thought of something to saw back.
He had asked Eden for his number, meaning that he had to be interested in some way right? Maybe Jimin did have a chance. Maybe Yoongi did like him.
Me: It was fun im glad I invited you. Goodnight
Jimin chewed softly at his lip, biting back a smile as he lay back down and curls up under his blankets. God, he feels like a schoolgirl, wanting to scream into his pillow and kick his legs. There was a warm, giddy feeling the spread throughout his chest and made him fall deeper into his lovesick illness.
Just once he wished to kiss Yoongi, go on a date just between the two of them. Maybe progress on to a little more.
He really hoped Yoongi was a top.
*.✧ Kᴀʏs Eɴᴅɪɴɢ Nᴏᴛᴇs
I know today's chapter is short but tomorrow's chapter is much longer, much much longer, like 2400 words long so you guys will be very well fed.
Thank you all for reading. I hope you guys enjoyed and I wish you all a wonderful day/night.
