THOSE SUMMER NIGHTS

[25]

[25]

- EDEN -

-

FEAR IS SCARY.

Your breathing gets faster and faster and faster till you think your lungs will burst. Your heart thumps and booms in your chest as you feel around for something to anchor you to reality. Blood shoots up and down your veins making your head blink in and out of consciousness. And all you can see as your body starts to shut down is stars.

Stars... Beautiful, distant stars.

A tear slipped down my cheek as I found it hard to open my eyes. I found it hard to blink my eyes open, stand up, and continue to say that everything was okay. I was okay. I really was okay.

I took in a lungful of air as the booming in my head started to dull down to a small, but irritating tapping. The feeling in my limbs started to come back as I felt my fingers twitch awake. Breathing was still hard. It was like I was breathing but at its lowest capacity. If I continued like this, I'd pass out again.

Breathe, I told myself.

As my lungs started to expand with air, I let out a gasp. I sat up and let out a wince as my lungs felt close to exploding and the booming in my head returned.

"Oh, my God!" I heard Leah cry from next to me as the ability to hear and see returned to me. I looked around and noticed that alongside Julia stood Atlas. Julia seemed to be on the verge of tears like Leah and Atlas's eyes were trained on me. When my eyes met his, he let out a breath and I took one in.

Leah pulled me into a hug and cried into my shoulder, "What the fuck, Eden?"

"I'm sorry," I shuddered as a wave of pain washed through my head.

"What happened?" Asked Julia who walked towards us and crouched next to me, placing her comforting hand on my back.

Was it even real? Did that actually happen? Did he fucking text me or was I imagining it? Was Ethan really...

I blinked myself out of my thoughts and glanced at my phone that was lying face-up on the ground. I grabbed it and opened it.

Sure enough, along with a hundred other texts of his, the newest one was true. He did text me and he knew where Ethan was. A small tear trickled down my cheek.

"He's lying," I cried as Leah hugged me tighter.

"Baby, who's lying?" Leah asked, rubbing my back up and down. "What happened?"

I pulled back from her and wiped my tears away. He was lying. He's just using Ethan as a way to get me back. He was using him and lying about him to get me to let my guard down. I wouldn't... Not again.

Ethan was dead, I had learned to convince myself. He left and wasn't coming back.

"I'm sorry. I got scared and then I couldn't breathe..." I started, but Julia brushed my hair back from my face, holding my face in her hand afterward.

"Don't be sorry, okay?" She asked, smiling at me, sweetly. "You're fine."

I nodded and Leah let out a breathy laugh, "You look tired. Want to go home?"

I nodded, unable to make eye contact with any of them. Whenever things were going well, my stupid inability to let go showed up. My inability to steel over my emotions kept getting in the way. Can't you just be okay... just until you're behind closed doors?