Before you go

Chapter 26

Ben.

I could feel my heart slam against my ribcage when I saw the open casket at the end of the isle. My hands Wouldn't stop shaking as I walked closer to it, closer to her as James followed closely behind me.

Looking down at her, she looked so beautiful so peaceful. Her dark blonde curls in their wild form as she lay there. My Lily, reaching out i gingerly stroked her cheek, her once warm skin felt like ice. Closing my eyes I lent forward and kissed her forehead for the last time.

"I love you Lily Greenfield." I whispered.

I stood there with my head bowed for a few moments when I felt someone grab my hand. Looking to my left I saw Ginny sat on the end of the bench holding my hand in hers.
I smiled at her gratefully as I looked up seeing Beth, Owen, Harry, Felix and Wanda sat on the bench. James walked round and sat next to Wanda as I sat on the end next to Ginny. Whose fingers still curled around mine in a friendly comforting manner.

If I'm honest I don't want her to let go, it was the only thing stopping me from bolting out of the church doors.

I looked to my right and saw my mum sat next to Ms Tenvor and Mr Yarmen and his wife. She looked at me and nodded gently.

And then I saw him. Lily's dad sat right at the front a women with dark blonde hair sat next to him wiping tears away.

"Felix." I whisper yelled leaning behind Ginny to face him.
"Is that Lily's mum?" I said quietly, but the others heard to.

Felix craned his neck forward then looked back at me.
"Fuck me she actually came." Wanda said looking at the women.

"In the waters of baptism Lily Greenfield died with Christ and rose with him to a knew life. May she now share with him in eternal glory." The priest said as he drew a cross in water on her forehead.

I was to numb to even pretend I heard what he was saying for the next 10 minutes.
"Now if anyone wishes to say a few words please feel free." He said.
Wanda stood up almost instantly. And walked to the front.

"I never had a sister, I always wanted one though. And the day I met lily I knew I'd found a sister in her. She was they type of person that could make you smile just by being near you. She was like no one I'd ever met before, for someone so tiny she had a heart that was 10 times larger than her body. I would ask her how she faced the world with a smile after every hard thing life threw at her and she used to say 'that being brave isn't supposed to be easy' and I think that's what we all need to hear today as we must be brave even if it's hard. We must be brave for her" She said before turning to the casket and stood with her head bowed for a few moments before sitting back with James.

I looked up at her mum and dad half expecting them to get up and speak but they didn't.

Say something dick head.

Listening to the voice in my head which now sounded like lily I took a deep breath and walked to the front.

"Sometimes you meet someone that you just click with and it's like you've been around eachother forever. But that wasn't what it was like with Lily and I." I said smiling sadly.
"She and I hated eachother for a long time only to find out if we'd of stopped arguing for 5 seconds that we could actually get along. Lily was a ball of energy and you never knew what she was going to do or say next, I guess that just made her better to be around. I guess that's one of the reasons I fell in love with her. She didn't love me back right away, I loved her too early and she loved me too late. But that doesn't change that fact that I love you Lily Greenfield and part of me always will." I turned around and touched her hand before sitting back down.

I didn't look back up after that.
"Ashes to ashes and dust to dust." The priest spoke before going into the final prayer.

Just like that the coffin was carried out and the church emptied.
"You coming Ben?" Harry asked as they all stood up.

"I'll catch up with you guys in a sec." I said looking up at my friends who all had the same solemn expression.
Harry squeezed my shoulder before the all filed out of the church.

"Excuse me?" A woman's voice said making me lift my head.
I stopped breathing for a moment as I looked into the eyes that mirrored Lily's perfectly, her mum is exactly what I would of pictured a 40 year old lily to look like.

"You're Lily's mum." I said almost in shock of meeting her.

"Abbie, and you're Ben?" She asked.
I nodded in response as she sat besides me.

"That was a beautiful speech it's nice knowing she had someone who loved her truly." Her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"She was kinda hard not love." I said honestly making Abbie smile.

"That's true. You might be wondering why her farther and I didn't say anything." She said turning to face me. I nodded again.
"I tried to speak at her brothers funeral but I just couldn't i knew it would be the same with her, harder even. Losing him destroyed me now her it's a pain I never thought possible." The tears she held back finally fell down Her tired face.

I wanted to hold back my own tears but they slipped out as I wiped them away with the cuff of my shirt.

"She's back with Ronnie now, and I'm sure they're both watching over you." I said taking her hand in mine. She looked at me with a grateful smile.

We sat there in a comfortable silence before she got up to leave. As Lily's dad came over.

"She had this in her pocket when she.. well when the paramedics took her." He said handing me a piece of paper.
"If there's anything that you'd like from her room please feel free to go and collect it." He said holding his hand out for me to shake.
With that he left with her mum.

I didnt leave the church, I stayed sat there on the bench and let my eyes fall closed in the peaceful quiet of the room.

"I don't know about you but a spliff by the lake would be great right about now." My head snapped up.

"Lily?" My voice came out breathy as I saw her sat next to me.

"The one and only." She smiled at me.
"You okay?" Her voice echoing through me

"I really don't know." I said looking into her green eyes.

"You're gonna be okay Benji." She said kissing me on the cheek before she stood up to leave.

"Lil where you going?" I asked her as she made her way down the isle.

"The lake." She said holding her hand out to me.

As I reached for her hand my eyes snapped open and the church was empty. It was just dream. She was a dream.

But at least I know where to go now.