Before you go

Chapter 25

Ben.

It had been 2 weeks since, well since then. People who didn't really know her had gone back to normal, it wasn't silent like it was for the first week. The hallways were filled with people shouting and laughing.

The school seemed to go back to normal It was like it never happened. But it did.

I sat there on the bench round the front with everyone else, ignoring the conversations going on.

"Hi guys." I looked up seeing Sarah stood sheepishly a few feet away from everyone.

"The hell do you want?" Felix grumbled out at the blonde girl.
Who just stood there looking at each one of us.

"I Um wanted to apologise to Beth, to all of you actually. I was jealous of lily and I was a bitch to her, to all of you at times and I'm really sorry." She sounded like she meant it but I didn't care.

"Not accepted." Felix and Ginny of all people said. Casting my eyes to Ginny she shrugged.

Sarah didn't argue.
"We'll I'm sorry you feel like that. I just had to say it." With that she slinked away down the bank steps.

Falling back into silence again.
"Did you guys hear, Her funerals this weekend." Owen said putting his arms around Beth.

"Yeah, please tell me you're all going. I don't think I can face it otherwise." Felix said looking at his Lock Screen photo of him and lily at the lake.

"Of course we're going to be there." Ginny said taking his hand giving it a comforting squeeze. Felix smiled at the kind girl and squeezed her hand in return.

The rest of the week passed in a blur. Before I knew it I was standing in my room tying my tie as I looked in the mirror.

"Wow you actually look like a gentleman."
I heard Lily's voice plain as day, like she was standing there with me. Looking around but I knew she wasn't there.

But I smiled.
"Thanks Greenfield."

I grabbed my phone and went downstairs where my mum was stood by the door in a black dress.
"I'm not letting you go on your own." She said linking her arm through mine. As we walked to the car and drove to the church at the bottom of the estate.

People dressed in dark colours dotted all around as we walked over. My head started to spin again as my chest tightened, the overwhelming truth that this would be the last time I see her face broke me as I saw Wanda and James.

I can't do this.

"Ben!" My mum called after me as I ran away from the church. I heard my friends call after me to but I didn't stop

Running down the alley way towards the lake, I didn't stop until I was at the waters edge. And screamed until I couldn't anymore dropping down into a crouch. And the tears fell again.

How do you say goodbye to someone that you see everywhere you go? How do people go on when they lose their person? Lily was my person.

The thoughts crowded my mind.
How is it fair that someone who had so much love and life to give is just gone. I couldn't comprehend it.

It felt different here now, sometimes I think I can see her splashing in the water with Wanda, or hear her laughing with Felix and James but when I open my eyes the only sound is the wind in the trees.

"Thought I'd find you here." A soft voice pulling me back to reality.

"Hey James." I said pulling out a spliff.

"You know I was down here the other day and I could've sworn blind that I saw her sat on the end of the pontoon." He said looking out to the empty wooden boards that lead to the middle of the water.

"You're not alone." I said blowing the smoke away. Looking out on the water.

"You know from the way she used to moan about you. I never thought it would've ever be you and her, but you guys really were something." He said plucking the spliff from my hand and started smoking it himself. Just like she would've done.
I couldn't help but smile abit at that.

"Well we obviously weren't meant to be James, because if we were she'd be here right now." I said looking out over the water.

James sighed as he passed back the spliff.
"All the greatest love story's end in tragedy Ben. Think about it someone's always left behind." He said putting his hand on my shoulder.
"If it's any consolation she really loved you. Like I'd never seen her love anyone before, lily was a beautifully broken person with a heart of gold hidden under all the sarcasm and bravery. It was there. And you brought to at out of her."

I looked at him for a moment and for the first time I saw the side to him that Lily looked at as an older brother not a friend.

"She was lucky to have friends like you, Felix and Wanda." I said truthfully.

"And you." James added.
"It truly was an epic love." He said taking the spliff again.

We stood by the waterside mindlessly staring at it shimmering in the late morning sun. I wanted to stay there, stay in the peacefulness it was providing. But like all good things it ended when James phone rang.

"Hey Wan." He said making his voice slightly happier for her sake.

"Yeah tell his mum I found him." He said looking at me with a warmness.

"Alright see you in 5." He said before hanging up the phone and slipped it into the inside pocket of his suit jacket.

"Come on we're gonna be late." He said shoving his hands in his trouser pockets.

It was strange seeing him look so smart instead of his usual paint covered jeans and t-shirt.
I thought as we walked back to the church in silence.

The dull chatter got louder as we approached the gate to the church yard. I froze at the gate looking at all the people stood outside. Some teachers and lots of the students dotted amongst people I didn't recognise.

I felt the panic rise again looking at it all.
"Breathe it away Benji." My eyes snapped open hearing her voice again.

"You can do this." James said putting his arm around my shoulder bringing more comfort than I thought it would.

Nodding we walked into the church yard and walked down to the church door.
Taking a deep breath I walked in.