Lonely Hearts

Chapter six: Emma

I looked around for Milly. She was only supposed to be getting a couple of drinks and then she would come outside and find me. She promised. She knows how I feel about crowds. About people. She knows.

So why was I stood here, alone in a place that seemed to get smaller and smaller? My hands were shaking and I tried to remind myself that I was fine. I was safe. I pulled fresh air into my lungs and closed my eyes, defending myself against the shrieks and squeals of the teenagers who seemed to be all around me.

"Hey, are you ok?" A soft, concerned voice made me open my eyes.

"Yeah, I'm, I'm fine. Big crowds just aren't really my scene." I told the girl, who was peering at me with interest.

"An unwilling accomplice?" She asked.

"I wouldn't say unwilling, but this...this wasn't what I expected, that's all."

She nodded.

"I'm Linda."

"Emma."

"Nice to meet you, Emma." She said. "So if you don't like big crowds, why did you let yourself be dragged into this?"

"My friend can be very persuasive." I said. "She promised me I would have a good time."

"And are you?"

"I guess. It's better now I'm outside." I admitted.

"We don't have to stay, you know. We can find somewhere quiet. Let your friend know you're with someone, make it sound like you're with someone special, you know? She'll back off and let you be."

"You sound like you've had a lot of experience." I said as I pulled out my phone to message Milly to let her know that I was ok.

"Getting away from parties? Yeah. Being with someone special? Not so much." She chuckled. "But it's a good excuse when your friends are still bugging you to have a good time."

"Even when you're not in the mood." I added, putting my phone away again and looking up at her.

She laughed. "Exactly."

She had a beautiful laugh. It was deep, smooth like treacle and just as sweet. She held out her hand and gestured for me to take it. Against my better judgement, I took it and she pulled on my hand, making me run to keep up. Laughing, I followed as she took me away from the beat of the techno music from the house, a strange glowing excitement spreading through my body.

~*~

We ended up walking side by side, just chatting.

She chats a lot. She's one of those people who talk about anything and everything that comes to her head. It made me smile. She told me all about her five siblings and her parents and their divorce and her school and her friends and her past and by the time we've reached a park bench to sit at, I feel like I've listened to her whole life story, but still she keeps going.

The thing is though, I don't mind. Usually with people who don't stop talking I lose interest or I tune them out unintentionally, but with her? I listened to every word. And she's ok with the fact that I don't talk much. She doesn't mind that I prefer to listen, she doesn't force me into conversation the way Milly does. She just lets me listen. She doesn't expect anything from me. And it was...refreshing.

At one point, she insisted on exchanging numbers because she said I was "basically a friend now". It felt strange, alien, but good too. Very good. Something about her made me want to smile and trust her. A feeling I hadn't had in a long time.

"You seem much happier now." Linda observed. "You really don't like big crowds, do you?"

"No." I whispered.

"Why not?"

I paused, thinking about it seriously for a minute. I had never analysed why I didn't like big crowds. I had just accepted that it was a part of me, like brown eyes and red hair and a slightly too-long nose.

"I don't like feeling trapped." I said, eventually. "There's no clear way out of a crowd. The crush of bodies stops you from sensing danger."

I watched for her reaction, expecting her to laugh or smirk or something that suggested I was stupid and immature. But she just nodded and walked along, we lapsed into silence. But for the first time, the silence wasn't uncomfortable or stifling. It was just...right. It was strange the way she made me feel like I had known her my whole life.

Strange, and a bit terrifying too. I had never felt this way before, not about anyone. And this strange fluttering in my stomach never subsided. Not once. The feeling scared me.

But I had been running from conflict for so long that I had never realised that I would want to run towards the frightening, not away from it.

And that was what frightened me the most.