LGBT+

The Warmth of Summer

As soon as I wake up, I mark off another day on my calendar. I'm not sure why- it's not like I'm waiting for anything- I guess it has just become a habit at this point, one that I started back when I still thought I would ever get out of this place.

Knock knock. And there's Judy. Right on schedule. "Breakfast time, Autumn!" She says, cheerfully. "Come join us when you're ready."

I smile. Judy has always been my favorite nurse. Even back when I first got here and I was still on suicide watch and all that bullshit, Judy was the one nurse who didn't treat me like a five year old who needed someone to hold her hand from one destination to the next. She trusts me, and I love her for that.

Morning routine time. I wash my face. I brush my teeth. I try (and fail) to tame my wild red hair. Then, I head down to breakfast.

When I arrive at the cafeteria, the first thing I notice is that Martha is gone. Even though I know this means she was finally well enough to be discharged, I can't help but feel a bit sad. She was my roommate, and my best friend in this lonely place. That's the thing about psych wards, though: people are always coming and going, so you can't really get too attached to anyone.

The second thing I notice is the new kid: a rather skinny boy with shoulder length, sandy-colored hair and deep blue eyes. He's sitting noticeably apart from everyone else, not touching his plate of food.

There's something interesting about the boy, about the way he sits. The way he breaths, even. As if he's not comfortable in his own skin.

I start to go over and sit by him, but I feel someone grab my arm. "I wouldn't do that if I were you." It's Lisa, the small, Latino girl from the room across mine. "The dude's an asshole."

I raise my eyebrows. "How do you mean?"

"I was in the commons when he got here last night," Lisa explains. "I asked him his name, and he's all like 'fuck off, I'm not here to make friends with nutjobs.'"

"Wow," I say, a bit disappointed. He looks so lonely and sad. I was hoping we could've been friends. "Do you have any idea why he's here?"

Lisa shrugs. "Beats me. But I'm sure we'll find out at group, later."

And find out we do. The first thing Miss Shane does when we all gather for morning group two hours later is introduce the new kid.

"Good morning everyone!" She says, all smiles as usual. "Before we begin, I'd like to take a moment to introduce our newest member. This is Adam."

We all mumble unenthusiastic hellos to the poor kid sitting at the far end of the circle, glaring at our group therapist. And honestly, none of us can blame him. One thing that no one can stand about Miss Shane is the way she treats group sessions like fucking country club meetings. How she keeps such a ridiculously upbeat attitude around teenagers who would rather be slitting their wrists than sitting in this goddamn circle. The way she refers to recent arrivals as "new members", as if they had any choice in coming here. It's irritating as hell.

"So Adam," Miss Shane continues with a smile so big it shouldn't be legal, "Tell us a little bit about-"

"I don't want to be here." He interrupts with gritted teeth. "I don't belong in here."

Nobody says anything, but I raise my eyebrows at Lisa across the circle, and she smirks back. People like us, who have been here for more than a month, can always tell if someone's going to be "interesting" by the first group session. The "interesting" kids are the ones who are constantly back-sassing the nurses, who cause a scene by refusing to take their medicine, and who are always being sent to the Quiet Room. Although these types of people tend to be jerks, they make life more fun for the rest of us.