Captivated

Captivated 17

Chapter 17: Month One

Hero

Dear Hero,   

I know that this is very cowardly of me but I hope that you can come to understand why I did this. Until then, I need you to know that this isn't because of anything you did. You are the perfect guy for me but I need to find myself so that I can be the perfect girl for you. With everything that has happened to me and all that is going on, I need some time alone to get myself together. But I want you to believe me when I say that I love you with all of my heart, and that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I need time to clear my head so that I can be me again, the me before that night happened. The me that can give you everything that you deserve because I'm not that person right now. I thought that I could be as long as I had you to get me through it but I can't.

I'm not sure how long this may take. It could take weeks, or even take months. But I promise with all of my being, I will come back to you when I am worthy of your love. And when I do come back, I hope that you can forgive me for leaving you like this.

I love you so much, Hero.

Josephine.

I read, and reread the letter Josephine left me and it just makes me feel even worse than it did when I read it the time before.

'You are the perfect guy for me but I need to find myself so that I can be the perfect girl for you.'

She already is the perfect girl for me. And I am far from perfect, especially perfect for her.

'I want you to believe me when I say that I love you with all of my heart, and that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.'

If she loved me, why would she leave me? If I was the best thing for her, why couldn't I be enough for her to stay?

'I promise with all of my being, I will come back to you when I am worthy of your love.'

She is already worthy of my love, she is already who I need, and want her to be. Why can't she just accept that I love her?

'And when I do come back, I hope that you can forgive me for leaving you like this.'

I can't even wrap my head around it. She actually left me, all because she doesn't think that she is the best person she can be. All because she thinks that she is helping anyone by leaving. Even if she is helping herself, she isn't helping me, she's only making me worse than I already am.

She said that she would never leave me. She told me she would always stay here and that she wouldn't be like Katherine. Granted, she didn't sleep with my best friend while she was with me but this is just as worse, being left behind like some stray dog. I won't put up with it. I won't have her make a promise to never leave me and then make me feel like shit when she breaks her promise.

****

30 days.

That's how long she's been gone. 30 days.

One month.

I've read the letter a million times, trying to piece together what all could've and did go wrong.

I tried calling her, texting her, but I've had no answer, no call back. Nothing. It's like she's just disappeared from the face of the earth. I even called Kevin, he only answered once out of all of the times I've called. He told me that she's somewhere safe and that I should stop trying to reach her because it's only making it harder on myself and her.

He hung up on me after I told him that he didn't know what he was talking about. I called him again and again. But like the call before, it was ignored.