Against Our Will

Chapter 37: Heart is Deceitful

Christy nodded her head and I could see in her eyes that she really understood me.

"Si Faith, she is not just a quiet and a rebel girl. She's more than that..." I said in a low voice while looking at into her eyes because I wanted her to know that I was so serious about what we were talking about. "There's no romantic relationship between us but I love her and I care for her so much... And I'm afraid that one day, we'll see her lifeless in that room." Nilipat ko ang tingin ko sa pintuan ng kwarto nila.

Nakita ko na nabahala siya nang dahil sa sinabi ko.

"Hindi ko alam kung aware ka sa kalagayan ni Faith, but she is suicidal. She cuts her wrist. She hurts herself physically when anxiety attacks her. So, hindi imposible na sumunod siya sa yapak ng kaibigan niya na nagpakamatay kamakailan lang," I said in a serious tone. "Sa nakikita ko kay Faith, she bore the Christian principles, kaya naroon pa rin ang takot sa kanya na gawin ang bagay na 'yon. Pero ang tanong: hanggang kailan niya matitiis 'yon? Christians are not exempted from this. You know that..."

Tumango siya habang naroon ang pag-aalala sa mukha niya.

"Aalis na ako bukas. I can't monitor Faith anymore. So, please, take care of her at ikaw na ang gumabay sa kanya kapag wala na ako rito," bilin ko.

"P-pero bakit hindi siya nag-oopen sa akin? Bakit sa 'yo niya sinabi?" naguguluhang tanong niya.

Naalala ko ang sinabi niya sa akin noon: "Kahit naman sabihin ko, walang magbabago..."

"I think it's because of her personality. She doesn't like expressing what she feels. Pero dahil siguro hindi ko siya masyadong kilala, nagawa niyang maging open sa akin since she also knew that I am a youth pastor. Sometimes, it's really hard to be open to a family member, so I understand her on that part. Baka nahihiya siya."

Christ just nodded her head with sadness on her face.

"Based on what character Faith has, I advise you not to confront her about this yet. All you have to do for now is to be on her side and show her that you understand what she feels. That's what she needs. She needs someone to talk with, someone who will listen to her and will care for what she feels."

Huminga siya nang malalim at tumatango. "Okay. Salamat sa pag-inform, Pastor Neico." aniya. "Ano bang oras ang alis mo bukas?"

"Maybe after ng klase ko, diretso ako sa Tiera," I said, referring to the place where I would be residing.

"Alam na ba ni Faith?"

I nodded my head. "I hope she will still keep trying to turn back to God kahit hindi na ako ang gumagabay sa kanya."

"I'll just takeover of her."

"Thank you."

***

Nag-volunteer si Pastor Alvin na ihahatid niya ako sa Tiera para hindi ako mahirapan sa paghahakot ng gamit. Mahihirapan kasi ako kung sa motorbike ko lang iyon isasakay. Therefore, I left my baggages on the bed so that when Pastor Alvin comes, we will just move it into the car.

I already wore my teacher uniform and now ready to go to school, but Faith is still not coming out of their room, so I knocked on their door.

Bumukas ang pintuan at si Christy ang bumungad sa akin. "Hindi raw siya papasok," aniya, dahilan para mapakunot-noo ako.

"Bakit?"

"Hindi raw maganda pakiramdam niya, e."

Sinilip ko si Faith sa loob ng kwarto nila, nakahiga lang siya sa kama. Nabahala ulit ako sa kalagayan niya. Gusto ko mang kausapin siya, baka ma-late ako.