Cheaters Anonymous

chapter 49 | hold on to me

With him, it was like chasing cars. Like searching for stars in the midnight sky, or feeling all of your emotions crash together like the ocean waves. He made every hello feel like fireworks and every goodbye feel like the world was ending.

But this goodbye hurt a little extra. I knew Ellis wouldn't stay in Calington after graduation. He had always said from the beginning he wanted to leave. There was too much pain here, and sometimes you had to move on without looking back to heal. I still felt my throat close up at the sight of him about to leave, though.

I watched as he loaded his last suitcase in his car, shutting the trunk before turning to face me. Clean-shaven, with his familiar woodsy scent mixed with a hint of mint. I didn't want to look him in the eye, scared that I'd cry.

"Hey," Ellis said softly, using his finger to tilt my chin up. Now I had no choice but to look at him, his bright blue eyes filled with concern. "I'll be back before you know it. I thought I'd have no reason to come back here, but now I do. And I'm not going to be too far-"

Before he could finish his sentence, I swung my arms around him, hugging him tightly. I felt his shoulders tense before he relaxed, putting his arms around me too. "Shit, Reeves." His words were muffled against my hair.

If I was selfish, I could've asked him to stay. Love makes you selfish, to some degree. But as much as I wanted him to, I knew his dreams weren't possible here. He needed to be away from his father so he could be safe. Away from Sutton so the memories didn't hurt as much. He'd finally be in the place he was meant to be. 

If I really wanted to hold on to him, I had to let go first.

"We'll try to see each other as much as we can?" I said in a small voice. "And if not, we'll video chat. Certified girlfriend privileges."

"A very real thing," Ellis said, nodding in mock seriousness before his lips relaxed into a smile. "Every day, Reeves." 

He leaned against the hood of his car and hooked a finger around the band of my jeans, pulling me in closer. "I can't wait to come back and see my girl."

His girl. It had a nice ring to it. His face was only inches away, and I could tell he was restraining himself from kissing me. 

"There's going to be a lot of boys trying to steal your heart at college, D." Ellis said. Even though his tone was light-hearted, I could see the thin layer of jealousy concealed in his words, and I knew it was just as hard for him. 

There would be. But none of the guys were him.

"As if they have a chance," I whispered, leaning up to close the final distance between us and kiss him. A long slow, feverish kiss, one that made it feel like I was floating. I didn't want to pull away. If I could, I'd freeze time. But I couldn't, and so I tried to save the way he was looking at me and the feel of his fingers underneath my chin forever. When we pulled away, he looked at me like he was contemplating something. 

"What is it?" I said.

"No, I was just..." He trailed off, shifting slightly. "Just wondering what I did to get someone like you."

A pool of warmth settled in my stomach and I bit my lip. I wasn't ready to say goodbye. Not yet. Suddenly, a thought came to me. "Wait. Do you have a little time before you go?"

He nodded. Before he could ask me what I was doing, I pulled his hand, leading him back towards the house. The ladder by the roof was still there. I smiled, turning to him, and from the flicker of recognition on his face I knew he had guessed what was on my mind.

"One last rooftop adventure?"

"One last rooftop adventure," I confirmed. I started to climb the ladder, feeling his hands on my waist just in case I fell. Once I was up, I reached a hand down to help him up over the ledge as well. On the roof, we could see everything - the beautiful sky spread out like a blanket, the bright city lights of Calington.

I leaned back on the roof next to Ellis, and he reached out to intertwine our hands. For a few moments, it was just us laying together, watching everything unfold in front of us. I turned my gaze from the sky, only to see Ellis was already looking at me. 

He pushed a strand of my hair out of my eyes, and I didn't say anything. I didn't think I could, even if I wanted to. His lips crooked into a half-smile as he brought our entwined hands up, kissing the back of mine. And all of a sudden, I didn't feel as sad.

Because with every electric hello and heartbreaking goodbye, I knew we'd find our way back to each other.

a/n

epilogue out tomorrow. see you guys when it all ends ♡