STRANGER; 낯선 사람 - taekook; vmin

14. wings are made to fly

He raised his eyebrow, seeming impressed with my answer. "How about sex?"

"I mean- Yes. I enjoy sex with women, but over the last years, I have been more comfortable beside men. Less judgment", I shrugged. "My first experience was good, I was relieved to know for sure that I like women sexually too, and thought I was in love with her. Didn't happen, though. I met you right after she broke up with me."

"I don't... Enjoy it", he looked down at my body, fingertips playing with my pubic hair. Something in me burst out in joy knowing that he didn't find pleasure in lying with her.

We never talked about her. Da-mi. And it was enough for a few days, after the first time we slept together, and a few others on the weekend that followed. My satisfaction had an expiration date, and it met its inevitable fate that came quicker than the eye could see; that fine line between our redemption and resentment between us had rotten. His beautiful face that I worshipped day and night became the stage of doubt and deceit.

I had never seen a face turn so ugly right in front of me. She was always present behind his eyes, like an ominous being, hovering our every moment, turning indigo into bloody velvet.

There was nothing I could do, my mind always turned back to picture frames: to the ones filled with people that no longer exist, and the ones which I could never fill. My haven had become a private Hell I made for myself, and it didn't surprise me.

"I can't believe you're in my bed again", I sat up, turning my bare back so I wouldn't have to face him. Jungkook's warm body held me from behind, fondly resting his chin on my shoulder, killing me with how much I loved it.

"You don't want me here?" His husky voice said by my ear with fake obliviousness.

"How can you do this so effortlessly? How is your conscience clear after all these encounters?" I questioned out loud, staring at the wall, for that is the only place I could look and have the courage to speak up at the same time.

"Being with you is easy... Being with her... Kills me. I do what I have to do to survive in this world, as should you", he turned to my ear, hot breath blowing on me. "I am almost graduating, have a little patience. Soon enough we can be free."

I scoffed. "We'll never be free."

//

"How are you, Taehyung-ssi?"

"I am exhausted", I breathed out sincerely. There was so much going on that forty minutes of only me talking wouldn't be enough.

Contrary to our initial encounters, it didn't take much from doctor Kang to get me talking. "How was your week?"

"Uh... A lot has happened. I accidentally turned into someone's lover", I chuckled as I didn't believe the words coming out of my mouth, while also being insanely conscious of every one of them. "It's a person that I have a history with, that I know is unhappy with the relationship... And I tried to run away as fast as I could, but I am drawn to that place I found myself several years ago. The feeling of it, every time we are together, is exactly what they say about relapses."

She took quick notes of all the new information she was receiving, confidently taking messy strokes into a blank piece of paper with only the date of our session. "It's interesting that you compare her to a drug; do you believe that she drives you and may destroy you at the same time?"

I cleared my throat, lengthening my neck to break the tension that suddenly grew. "Yes, yes... She... Can definitely destroy me, but somehow, how that makes me feel, the fact that there is someone else who is losing the fight ㅡ or that I may be losing that fight ㅡ, it just makes me..."