STRANGER; 낯선 사람 - taekook; vmin

7. we bloom until we ache

buckle up this is a huge ass chapter! 

to make up for not posting on sunday hehe

i hope you enjoy it, it's one of my favorites. 

please comment and let me know your thoughts as always <3

☽

The pain on my chest began in my late twenties, alongside the unshakable feeling of not belonging anywhere, to anyone. I don't like thinking about it, but I know exactly when I started to feel like this — after Jungkook left, and Jimin left, I was suddenly on my own for a long time. My rock bottom was pathetic, as I wouldn't admit to myself how much I needed them. I didn't want to need anyone. So I shut myself inside my own bubble, not letting anyone enter, not seeking anyone for help. As you feel alone, being around people becomes something that you crave and scorn at the same time.

Inside my bubble, I struggled to get over Jungkook. Most days I wasn't sure if I was even trying. I was waiting it out, patiently looking forward to the day that I didn't miss him anymore, while still fantasizing about the next time I got to see him, or secretly wishing he would contact me and get on his knees again. When Jimin called me unexpectedly, after so long without talking to me, our first conversation back was like a slap in the face.

"I'm not saying this as someone who loves you, but as your friend", his tone was serious and stern, hands folded over the coffee table. "I know how hard it is to love someone and have to forget them. You're a lot stronger than you think, so pull your chin up."

Although I now walked with my chin up, I don't think I was ever strong. I was relieved when Jimin was back in my life, but I still had to wait it out. I sought medical help for my chest pains, but there was physically nothing wrong with me. There was no remedy for the sickness in my soul.

The day eventually came when I didn't think about Jungkook: when I could lay with someone and not have him haunt my thoughts, when I no longer dreamed about him, when I could walk around campus and not think of him. That's when I knew he was no longer an issue I had to deal with, but what he left behind was unspeakable.

For that reason, I made it perfectly clear to myself that this wasn't a date, and that I would go to Incheon with Jungkook to try and change my fate. To see what would happen if I tried to belong somewhere, with people that are just like me. He seemed good and happy with himself, in his community, there's no denying it — and I envied him for being happy without me.

On Saturday night, I was dressed in a maroon turtleneck and white button-up shirt on top, not quite believing what I was doing to myself. Coming completely out of my comfort zone, putting my entire life and reputation at risk going to a place like that, hanging out with the one person that irreversibly broke my heart seemed like not the move — and yet it seemed like the only move there was.

I styled my overgrown hair, bangs just beneath my eyes swept both ways to the side in an attempt to hide the fact that it's been three months since I've seen a hairdresser. Jungkook was supposed to have picked me up at eight o'clock, arguing that there was no need for two cars and it's less risky if we go together, so I caved in and bit my nails for the twenty minutes he was late. Rude kid.

My phone rang with Jungkook's name shining on the screen. After six years without a phone call from him, his husky voice told me he had arrived. I slipped my feet into a black moccasin, hung my brown messenger bag on my shoulder, and pointlessly waved goodbye to my cat.

I recognized Jungkook inside the dark gray Audi parked on my street and before I could have second thoughts about everything, I opened the door and entered without looking at him. I was immediately taken aback by the strong smell of leather and his fresh cologne, the electric guitar on the radio in its lowest volume set the whole environment. Jungkook said hello, apologized for being late, and when I looked at him, it didn't look like we were going to the same place.